Jake Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon When my son got his driver's license. He ask if I would get him something cheap to run around in. So I got him a pair of Keds sneakers.
←Rate | 04-13-2018 05:07 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid I could climb mountians. Now I have to steady my self to fart.
←Rate | 10-10-2017 22:40 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never make any plans unless I have a way of getting out of them.
←Rate | 10-11-2017 14:45 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't always know what my wife is saying....... She can talk 50% faster than I can listen
←Rate | 05-02-2018 14:37 by Jake Comments (2)  


   messageicon Back in the day google was the encylopedia.
←Rate | 08-28-2018 20:17 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon How to look like a productive hubby. Add things to your to do list that dosen't need to be done. So you'll have things crossed off when your wife checks the list.
←Rate | 10-18-2017 01:00 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My memaw suffers from furniture disease. Her chest has fallen into her drawers.
←Rate | 02-24-2018 22:17 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Arguing with your wife is like buying a lottery ticket. You probably won't win but you still give it a try.
←Rate | 04-13-2018 04:50 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Went to a costume party dressed as a chicken. Ment a girl dressed as an egg. We spent the night at my place. And I found out the answer to that old question. It was the chicken.
←Rate | 06-26-2018 15:31 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife is a porn star. If she ever finds out, she'll kill me.
←Rate | 07-20-2018 20:42 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dating is cuddling on the sofa. Marriage is sleeping on the sofa.
←Rate | 02-27-2018 03:09 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most all the women I meet in bars think I have a nice butt. Because as I walk away from them after talking to them. I hear them say "what an ass."
←Rate | 04-18-2018 23:09 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon What dad's really would like for father'r day. To be left alone so they can drink their beer in peace.
←Rate | 06-16-2018 22:48 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon What blood type does a pessimists have? ...... B negative.
←Rate | 07-14-2018 17:10 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon . I think mydog looks out the window when I leave for work to see that's it safe to lay on the sofa.
←Rate | 08-25-2017 17:56 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Viagra is like Disney land, the both make you wait a hour for a three minute ride.
←Rate | 04-23-2018 05:51 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I carry a picture of my wife in my wallet. It helps me remember why there is no money in it.
←Rate | 03-05-2018 13:47 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Buying Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, is like paying back for all the free Halloween candy I got when I was a kid.
←Rate | 10-11-2017 14:58 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wife ask where I'd like to be buried. Ball deep in your sister wasn't the answer she was expecting.
←Rate | 02-06-2018 00:25 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I ask my wife why she never blinks her eyes during sex. She said I never had the time.
←Rate | 07-08-2018 21:05 by Jake Comments (0)  



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