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Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages
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Whenever I feel hungry, I just log onto Facebook and like everyone's food pictures until I feel full.
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07-18-2013 19:29 by
Marshall the Great
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I always carry around a magnet in my pocket so I can find all the girls with clit rings easier.
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07-18-2013 19:22 by
Marshall the Great
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On Facebook, someone posted that they have 90 days of pregnancy left. The 1st commenter said "When are you due?" This is why we are here...
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07-18-2013 19:20 by
Marshall the Great
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True love is giving your significant other a sip from your beer glass... a real f*cking small sip though... !
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07-18-2013 19:17 by
Marshall the Great
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In love, you either win someone's heart or lose your liver... !
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07-18-2013 19:15 by
Marshall the Great
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Mary had a little lamb. Then Mary saw a lamb chop recipe on Pinterest. Now Mary has a full stomach.
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07-18-2013 19:14 by
Marshall the Great
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I'm not saying this insomnia is screwing me up, but I just waited 2 minutes for this stop sign to turn green.
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07-18-2013 19:12 by
Marshall the Great
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If I'm guilty of anything it's loving you too much. Oh and indecent exposure...I suppose trespassing too.
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07-18-2013 19:06 by
Marshall the Great
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I hate exercising. I've decided that if I were meant to bend and touch my toes, I would have been born with boobs on my feet.
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07-18-2013 18:42 by
Marshall the Great
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I have 3 moods: Skip every song on my iPod, let the music play without interruption, play the same song on repeat for days
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07-11-2013 21:02 by
Marshall the Great
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My opinions are like farts, so hard to hold 'em in. When one slips, everyone's gonna know it and at least one person is gonna leave the room.
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07-11-2013 19:37 by
Marshall the Great
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Sometimes I sit and wonder what the world would be like if I wasn't awesome. THAT would be scary.
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06-27-2013 16:06 by
Marshall the Great
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So this smoke detector is trying to tell me the battery is so dangerously low that it can only beep 4,000 times?
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06-27-2013 15:34 by
Marshall the Great
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I wish people would just listen to my advice. I have invested many years f*cking shlt up so you don't have to.
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06-27-2013 15:32 by
Marshall the Great
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I don't just cross the line, I f*cking set up camp there and get comfortable.
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06-27-2013 14:36 by
Marshall the Great
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I don't just cross the line, I f*cking set up camp there and get comfortable.
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06-27-2013 14:36 by
Marshall the Great
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If you can't handle me at my worst I don't blame you because I can be a total ass.
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06-27-2013 14:16 by
Marshall the Great
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I just got smiled at by a lovely cashier who has plenty of teeth, but clearly only brushes her favorites.
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06-27-2013 14:11 by
Marshall the Great
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I pretend to like people everyday. It’s called being an adult. That’s why we’re allowed to buy booze.
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06-27-2013 14:08 by
Marshall the Great
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Of course absence makes the heart grow fonder. Because thats when you forget what an annoying little bltch they can be.
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06-27-2013 14:07 by
Marshall the Great
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