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Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages
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I'm at the age where I am about to make a dentist a lot of money.
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06-23-2018 05:23 by
Kisstopher707
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The apocalypse doesn't care what your credit score is.
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06-21-2018 16:49 by
Kisstopher707
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wife: Why did you drink all the rum? me: I lost the cap
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06-21-2018 16:48 by
Kisstopher707
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You would think I am a fugitive on the run the way I react when there is a knock on my door.
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06-17-2018 07:26 by
Kisstopher707
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Not trying to brag but I haven’t been around people in days
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05-28-2018 23:26 by
Kisstopher707
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Throw a drink at Tomi Lahren? In this economy?
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05-26-2018 01:31 by
Kisstopher707
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Today has me seriously evaluating my policy of not drinking on the job.
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05-22-2018 13:04 by
Kisstopher707
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In my time, real men did not smoke cigarettes with batteries.
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05-17-2018 12:17 by
Kisstopher707
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Running shoes? No, I don't run. These are my "better hurry up the liquor store is about to close" shoes.
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04-27-2018 14:17 by
Kisstopher707
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My doctor said I’m healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
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04-19-2018 01:48 by
Kisstopher707
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I’m small but influential. Like bacteria or Tom Cruise.
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04-18-2018 14:47 by
Kisstopher707
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Please don’t ask me for advice about life because I will accidentally screw up yours too.
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04-17-2018 12:59 by
Kisstopher707
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Welcome to Assumption club I think we all know why we're here...
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04-14-2018 11:40 by
Kisstopher707
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We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.
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04-09-2018 02:25 by
Kisstopher707
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I'm at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I'm usually fine with going home.
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04-08-2018 13:55 by
Kisstopher707
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I just started a club for people who hate people. I’m the only member. No you can’t join because I hate you.
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04-08-2018 11:02 by
Kisstopher707
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My mother taught me to never argue with strangers on the Internet. She said I must agree to meet them in real life, and then punch them in the face.
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02-26-2018 13:27 by
Kisstopher707
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Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
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02-25-2018 10:19 by
Kisstopher707
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Pro-tip: sadness is for people who are awake or sober.
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02-15-2018 11:51 by
Kisstopher707
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I’m sorry my dog nipped your ankles, but in all fairness you do have squirrels on your socks.
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01-14-2018 06:07 by
Kisstopher707
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