Mickey Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I'm really not a "know it all"... For instance, up until recently, I thought cunnilingus was an Irish Airline.
←Rate | 01-23-2017 10:52 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why didn't God use the same anchoring system for head hair as he did for nose hair?
←Rate | 02-01-2012 05:36 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was really counting on winning the Powerball. I was also counting on getting run over by a bus driven by a bear.
←Rate | 11-29-2012 07:03 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife said, "You're driving me to my grave!" I had the car out in two minutes.
←Rate | 01-13-2017 15:43 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I were an actual snowflake, ie the feathery ice crystal with a sixfold symmetry, I'd be highly insulted.
←Rate | 01-26-2017 08:05 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is a terminal disease, that is sexually transmitted.
←Rate | 02-07-2017 13:21 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate Mondays more than a midget hates getting a Yo-Yo for Christmas.
←Rate | 07-08-2013 10:00 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm watching The Alamo Bowl on ESPN. My main concern isn't who wins, my main concern is if I'll remember it.
←Rate | 12-29-2012 19:40 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girl sent me to the store to get her some pads. Brillo good?
←Rate | 01-30-2013 10:27 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Christmas Schmistmas....March features the greatest holiday of the year. Any festivity that centers itself around getting drunk on beer, and stuffed on a big hunk of beef soaked in brine wins my vote.
←Rate | 03-02-2013 11:07 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon A hard-0n doesn't count as personal growth.
←Rate | 03-19-2013 18:23 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's the difference between a druggist and a drug dealer? One sells drugs LEGALLY. What's the difference between an immigrant who came to the US lawfully, and one who snuck in? One's here LEGALLY. See?
←Rate | 01-28-2017 15:15 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Polar Vortex...nice term for cold air from Canada, media.... just watch,this summer, when the temps go into the 90's, they'll refer to a heat wave as a "Solar Vortex".
←Rate | 01-08-2014 07:22 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wedding rings are the world's smallest handcuffs.
←Rate | 03-25-2012 08:02 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife was admitted to the hospital last night. She's in the Expensive Care Unit.
←Rate | 05-21-2012 19:29 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was born, the day I was brought home form the hospital my parents put up a sign on my bedroom door: "Checkout Time 18 Years"
←Rate | 11-06-2012 07:07 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm such a slacker. It's a brand new year, and I haven't accomplished one d*mn thing.
←Rate | 01-01-2014 08:31 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, have all you rocket scientists who were still shooting off fireworks at 4am get it out of your system till the 4th of July?
←Rate | 01-01-2017 12:17 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Joe Paterno has died....Now Penn State students can riot again and break more $hit.
←Rate | 01-22-2012 10:25 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just thought of something. What happens if you become addicted to cold turkey?
←Rate | 01-29-2012 20:03 by Mickey Comments (0)  



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