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As I get older I spend a lot more time thinking about the hereafter. Every time I enter a room, I have to stop and say, "Now what am I here after?"
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05-23-2013 15:23 by
MWC
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Last night I lost my mood ring....I'm not sure how I feel about that.
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03-02-2016 05:32 by
MWC
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Just did my morning run!! (from the bed to the bathroom) I feel so invigorated.
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11-15-2012 07:56 by
MWC
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Dear Doctor Phil, I was wacking off, looking out our bathroom window at the neighbor lady sunbathing topless. And seen my wife watching me with her arms crossed and giving me a dirty look...My question is, Is she perverted?
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10-09-2012 14:28 by
MWC
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I've learned so much from my mistakes...I'm gonna make a few more.
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10-10-2012 06:54 by
MWC
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Cranked the treadmill up to MAX for 15 minutes. When I finally took a break my roller skates were hot to the touch.
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01-24-2013 12:19 by
MWC
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No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with!
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11-27-2012 10:48 by
MWC
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the worst part of being naked is not having pockets
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11-26-2012 07:27 by
MWC
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I don't procrastinate. I just like to have a lot to look forward to.
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03-07-2013 09:09 by
MWC
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I am a kleptomaniac, and when it gets really bad I take something for it.
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04-21-2013 20:51 by
MWC
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I've always pictured myself taking selfies.
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04-16-2014 08:36 by
MWC
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When I’m about to die and my life flashes before my eyes I’m worried that a lot of it will just be Facebook and TV.
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03-10-2013 19:54 by
MWC
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Its so cold outside I had to put Jack in my Coke to keep it from frezzing.
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01-23-2013 10:53 by
MWC
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I think a lot better when my mind is blank!
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10-09-2012 14:47 by
MWC
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I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.
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11-14-2014 11:48 by
MWC
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Wife: Why do you go out in the balcony, when I start singing,,Me, So the neighbors don't think I'm beating you
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03-21-2014 08:04 by
MWC
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I'm rarely wrong, I mean mistaken.
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11-19-2014 22:46 by
MWC
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<---just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box!!
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06-09-2013 06:19 by
MWC
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OK which team has the most dreadlocks?
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02-01-2015 20:01 by
MWC
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I wasn't speeding officer, but I passed several people who were!
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04-29-2013 11:59 by
MWC
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