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Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages
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I'm sorry Kanye, but you can't name your baby North West, then call yourself a "creative genius."
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10-10-2013 15:14 by
Kisstopher707
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After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
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06-01-2014 06:09 by
Kisstopher707
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Women I sleep with get so weird when I ask them to sign the guestbook.
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06-07-2013 06:13 by
Kisstopher707
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Pro Tip: When having sex on the first date, ALWAYS say "I've never done this" so your partner knows you're a compulsive liar as well.
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09-17-2014 01:54 by
Kisstopher707
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I just keep telling myself you guys don't have sex either.
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06-06-2017 02:16 by
Kisstopher707
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I've watched Shrek every night this week and I still cannot find any clues as to how Donkey impregnated the dragon.
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03-10-2019 14:15 by
Kisstopher707
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Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.
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12-14-2014 03:21 by
Kisstopher707
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I only have two feelings, it's either "I'm hungry" or "I shouldn't have eaten this much"
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11-06-2013 07:05 by
Kisstopher707
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Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive.
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03-28-2015 12:43 by
Kisstopher707
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Stevie Wonder's housekeepers probably don't do a damn thing all day long.
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05-24-2013 12:49 by
Kisstopher707
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Sometimes I use words I don't understand so I can sound more photosynthesis.
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04-11-2014 14:41 by
Kisstopher707
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If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
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05-30-2013 13:40 by
Kisstopher707
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iOS 9 will be out by the time iOS 8 finishes downloading
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09-17-2014 13:36 by
Kisstopher707
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I am sorry I had feelings. I'll replace them with jokes right away.
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09-24-2014 08:04 by
Kisstopher707
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I can't tell if the vegetarians upstairs are having sex or are finally eating a steak.
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06-07-2013 05:53 by
Kisstopher707
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Make her feel like she's the only woman on earth. Because nothing makes women happier than feeling like all other women are dead.
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06-15-2013 16:20 by
Kisstopher707
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It's never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".
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02-02-2017 11:57 by
Kisstopher707
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0
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It's actually pretty easy to win an argument with a woman when you wait until she's not around to have it.
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11-11-2013 13:09 by
Kisstopher707
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twerking just shaking your ass? Why did we need a new word? Ass-shaking has served us well for centuries.
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08-27-2013 14:16 by
Kisstopher707
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They called it boxing because fisting was already taken.
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12-02-2015 12:03 by
Kisstopher707
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