Joser Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Doctors write the prescriptions illegibly so you can't see that it says: "This one had insurance. Don't kill him."
←Rate | 06-11-2010 18:09 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hiding peoples status' on your news feed is the best way of sayin f*ck you're annoying but I don't wanna delete you cuz you'll notice.
←Rate | 05-17-2010 10:00 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon beer doesn't make me post better Facebook Status updates, it just makes me not care what you think of them.
←Rate | 07-06-2010 17:22 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today I tried the whole Yahoo vs Google thing. I typed "Why is there." Yahoo gave me "Why is there fuzz on a tennis ball" and Google gave me "Why is there a drunk Chinese man doing push ups on my front lawn." Google wins yet again
←Rate | 05-23-2010 12:29 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am used but in good condition
←Rate | 05-04-2010 17:41 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Work like you don't have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
←Rate | 04-22-2010 17:37 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon mixd whiskey with water and got drunk... mixed brandy with water and got drunk... I mixed scotch with water and got drunk again... therefore I've reached the conclusion that water is bad for me...
←Rate | 04-30-2010 01:23 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do I consider the cup half empty or half full? Depends on whether I'm emptying it or filling it.
←Rate | 06-24-2010 23:20 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon List of things I've accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List
←Rate | 07-03-2010 14:40 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wear an eye patch when I download music illegally.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:10 by Joser Comments (1)  


   messageicon 100 calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off.
←Rate | 07-16-2010 18:01 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon it just me or does orange juice taste funny without vodka?
←Rate | 04-19-2010 22:06 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just figured out that my asshole neighbor is using my Wi-Fi network. I'm gonna change the networks name to "I f*cked your wife".
←Rate | 04-30-2010 18:51 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon She said: "I'm not looking for a relationship right now." What she meant: "I'm holding out for an asshole who's emotionally unavailable."
←Rate | 06-28-2010 21:17 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you ever laugh so hard you accidentally work your abs?
←Rate | 06-01-2010 13:23 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I just fly to Arizona without ID and let them deport me to Mexico, would it be cheaper than if I flew directly there?
←Rate | 04-27-2010 19:03 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you think there's any limit to how many blades they'll put on razors? Like in 2025 there will be the Schick Annihilator 100.
←Rate | 05-03-2010 17:17 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon you know what works better than a rape whistle? a rape pistol.
←Rate | 05-12-2010 13:54 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Be sure to take the time to honor a soldier today by punching a politician in the face.
←Rate | 06-01-2010 13:24 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not at all ashamed to admit that I pick my hotels solely based upon the items they show in the pictures of their continental breakfast.
←Rate | 07-02-2010 18:33 by Joser Comments (0)  



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