Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Buying Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, is like paying back for all the free Halloween candy I got when I was a kid.
←Rate | 10-11-2017 14:58 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon my theory: every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
←Rate | 10-12-2017 06:02 by andrewjackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dating site for pyromaniacs: Match.com
←Rate | 10-19-2017 19:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are more than 7 billion people on the planet. Can we finally stop calling it the miracle of birth?
←Rate | 01-19-2018 19:51 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Say what you want about Pee Wee Herman. At least hes one actor that actually kept his hands to himself.
←Rate | 12-03-2017 23:23 Comments (2)  


   messageicon The far right and the far left are both extremes and should be condemned equally.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 05:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hardest part about watching "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" at this point is realizing I am one of the wah-wah-wah adults
←Rate | 10-19-2017 23:42 Comments (4)  


   messageicon Even looking at LinkedIn's logo can result in an unsolicited email.
←Rate | 12-05-2017 06:19 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Since the 2nd amendment gives me the right to bear arms. I cut the sleeves off all of my shirts.
←Rate | 12-17-2017 00:50 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
←Rate | 12-30-2017 21:09 Comments (1)  


   messageicon My cat has a fun new game called Catch & Release.. It catches the mice outside and brings them into the house and releases them.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 12:06 by Mic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Music is much more enjoyable if you listen with your eyes shut. It is also more enjoyable if the people sitting near you would listen with their mouths shut
←Rate | 12-08-2017 04:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's better to be kissed by a fool than to be fooled by a kiss.
←Rate | 12-15-2017 13:59 by @BlackieBino1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This is the first good sized snow fall of the season and honestly the weather on TV is acting like the terrorism threat levels just moved up a two.
←Rate | 12-24-2017 18:21 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so cold out that I saw a dog frozen to a fire hydrant
←Rate | 01-02-2018 02:38 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The people that are trying to make the world worse never take a day off, why should I? Light up the darkness.
←Rate | 01-03-2018 05:54 Comments (1)  


   messageicon If you're in a relationship. I don't know why you feel the need to upload 10 selfies a day. Look at your boyfriend instead of a camera
←Rate | 12-16-2017 06:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People don't want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 06:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My neighbor obviously doesn't watch porn. She called me over here an hour ago to fix her sink and I'm still fixing the sink.
←Rate | 11-05-2017 06:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Me: No, let's just keep it in the carton, ok?
←Rate | 01-02-2018 19:55 Comments (0)  



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