Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings?
←Rate | 04-10-2018 15:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When my wife falls asleep in a public place, I shake her and yell "DON'T DIE ON ME!" and then people always clap when she wakes up.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 10:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse
←Rate | 06-26-2018 15:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I said Alexa, what do women want? The damn thing has not shut up for the past three days.
←Rate | 09-25-2018 01:11 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon So if Carrie Underwood's injury requires 40 stitches and her face comes out looking like that, where do I sign up?
←Rate | 04-16-2018 10:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Check if your kids are asleep in their bed late at night by turning off the wifi.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 14:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think men are the stronger sex, watch a man react when the girlfriend says "what did you just say to me?"
←Rate | 04-17-2018 12:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So proud of myself for being healthy & buying vegetables that are just gonna sit at the bottom of my fridge until they go bad.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 13:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This job is really getting in the way of my naps.
←Rate | 05-09-2018 06:13 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Russia has been accused of using Facebook to win an election. That's probably the most productive thing ever done on Facebook.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you've reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thanks to whoever made electrical outlets look like tiny screaming faces trapped inside my walls I can't make eye contact.
←Rate | 05-22-2018 07:56 by @jasonlastname Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't care how important you think you are. You should do what you learned in kindergarten; be patient and wait your turn.
←Rate | 06-22-2018 09:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am a brilliant man, I just sometimes can't remember where I parked my car.
←Rate | 06-28-2018 02:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anything can be used as a dartboard. Like your coworker Jim who always says "another day in paradise".
←Rate | 07-10-2018 23:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Hi, I'm here to ruin your life" - Social media
←Rate | 07-11-2018 15:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon tonight my phone made this weird noise ive never heard before,so I googled it and apparently someone was trying to call me
←Rate | 07-24-2018 00:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 100th episode of undercover boss is on and your telling me there are still people out that aren’t suspicious of a camera crew filming them at work. Working on my sob story to tell
←Rate | 08-21-2018 22:24 by Smeebert Comments (0)  


   messageicon My sandal invention for people with one leg turn out to be a flop.
←Rate | 09-08-2018 00:35 by Haha Comments (0)  



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