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flinnie Funny Status Messages
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I will never be brave enough to be a Navy Seal or one of those people who buy things supposedly edible in 99 Cent Only Stores
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02-20-2012 18:41 by
flinnie
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If you ever find yourself driving through a neighborhood and you smell bologna cooking on the grill, keep driving.
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02-20-2012 18:44 by
flinnie
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A funny thing would be to dress up as a vampire, go to a blood bank, and ask when happy hour starts.
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02-22-2012 07:41 by
flinnie
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Wanna ruin a girl's day? Respond to her next text with "Who is this?"
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02-22-2012 07:41 by
flinnie
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If He-Man had the power of Grayskull, how come he had such a crappy haircut?
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02-22-2012 07:51 by
flinnie
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Next time a telemarketer calls, hit 'em with an "I love you" right off the bat. Just keep saying it, no matter what they say
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02-22-2012 18:42 by
flinnie
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roses are grey. tulips are grey. violets are grey. cause I am a dog.
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02-23-2012 06:22 by
flinnie
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They say men are from mars and women are from Venus, but I'd like to believe men are from earth and women are from earth also.
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02-23-2012 06:24 by
flinnie
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The tortoise and the hare is a classic fable, but the moral only helps you when racing a guy who takes a nap with a big enough lead.
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02-23-2012 06:25 by
flinnie
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"Don't call me old fashioned or i'll be forced to pummel you in a rousing bout of fisticufs"
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02-23-2012 06:27 by
flinnie
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"Chickpeas? Chick, please! Check please!" - guy who hates garbanzo beans complaining to waitress about how she brought him garbanzo beans
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02-23-2012 06:31 by
flinnie
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Life is unpredictable. Just when you think you've got enough lotion on your skin, you may just get the hose again.
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02-23-2012 06:33 by
flinnie
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I think the ultimate test of being funny would be making a bailiff laugh out loud in a courtroom.
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02-23-2012 06:33 by
flinnie
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I've often wondered, what do people in China call their good plates?
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02-23-2012 06:35 by
flinnie
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To treat a patient in a coma, I believe that you could play an LMFAO song nearby and the patient would have to wake up to turn it off.
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02-23-2012 06:41 by
flinnie
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When are they going to air the commercial where the recipient of a car in a giant ribbon says, “A LEXUS! We can't afford this, you idiot.”?
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02-23-2012 06:42 by
flinnie
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"For every hostage you send out, I'll give you one hug." - lonely negotiator
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02-23-2012 06:53 by
flinnie
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Look, I'm not saying the creators of yogi bear stole the idea but I am constantly bragging about how I'm smarter than the average bear. Coincidence??
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02-23-2012 06:55 by
flinnie
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Somebody needs to invent a way to punch another person in the throat via Internet.
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02-24-2012 08:12 by
flinnie
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I don't like war either but let's all admit that peace has way fewer cool explosions.
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02-24-2012 08:13 by
flinnie
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