Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon If I pretend to be dead will you stop talking?
←Rate | 07-10-2018 10:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The misuse of users’ Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress. He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.
←Rate | 03-23-2018 12:03 Comments (1)  


   messageicon "We are not even close." -Romans building Rome, end of first day.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 09:01 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?
←Rate | 05-05-2018 07:14 Comments (1)  


   messageicon How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
←Rate | 05-22-2018 10:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
←Rate | 04-10-2018 05:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.
←Rate | 04-10-2018 13:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You really can't say your laundry is done unless you are completely naked
←Rate | 04-10-2018 15:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon One of the circus freaks of the future will be the incredible non-tattooed man!
←Rate | 06-20-2018 13:35 by dj Comments (0)  


   messageicon The older I get, the less judgy I am of Norman Bates spending his life with a dead lady in a chair
←Rate | 06-22-2018 11:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I'm camping, I won't be covered.
←Rate | 06-28-2018 11:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only difference between a weekday and a weekend is which boss is telling me to do things.
←Rate | 05-11-2018 22:31 by @thecatwhisperer Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy hour leads to several hours of lying on the floor talking to my dog.
←Rate | 05-12-2018 12:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The batteries in my electric toothbrush died before I finished. I've never sympathized more with women in my life.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dating Tip: if she says she likes cats, push her plate off the table.
←Rate | 05-22-2018 07:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You would think I am a fugitive on the run the way I react when there is a knock on my door.
←Rate | 06-17-2018 07:26 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why isn't anyone at this beach lowering their sunglasses to check me out?
←Rate | 07-08-2018 10:11 Comments (9)  


   messageicon Thinking of making a horror movie titled Front Facing Camera
←Rate | 07-11-2018 01:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If at any point in your life you feel useless, just remember there are people on the BMW assembly lines that install turn signals..”
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it my illegal logging operation is a success.
←Rate | 03-29-2018 14:08 Comments (0)  



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