Joser Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Just before I die I'm going to get my hand stamped in case I want to come back in.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 19:57 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Officer, I was not "texting" while driving. I was "watching a movie on my iPad"
←Rate | 07-13-2010 19:57 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just discovered my oven CAN CLEAN ITSELF! Naturally I will be searching my apartment looking for similar buttons.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:14 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have you ever had your tea iced? .. Your welcome
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:13 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had 99 problems but I took one down and passed it around.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:13 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best part of being a pedestrian is walking over the hood of the car of the person who stopped right in the middle of a crosswalk.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:12 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon OH NO! I'm sorry. I thought it was lime that heals all wounds. That must really sting.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:12 by Joser Comments (2)  


   messageicon No one has ever complimented me on my mountain fresh scent. Either people are jerks or this body wash is bullsh*t.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:11 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wear an eye patch when I download music illegally.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:10 by Joser Comments (1)  


   messageicon Dear Pope, Religion and birth control are more compatible than you may think. Every time a condom breaks, someone learns to pray.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:09 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:09 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think sharks eat people just to get on tv.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:08 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon We have 50 friends in common and I still have no idea who the hell you are
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:08 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon it 1 tap or 2 to request toilet paper from the next stall?
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:08 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon hold tight to your most precious joys; make memories, laugh a lot, love more, give & accept lots of hugs because it could all be gone in the blink of an eye
←Rate | 07-12-2010 19:49 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon My therapist said I let other people control my emotions to much. I don't think that's true at all, what do you think?
←Rate | 07-12-2010 18:47 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon F to the you to the C to the K pretty much sums up my day
←Rate | 07-12-2010 18:44 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let's just call the iPhone what it really is: The Toilet Book Pro
←Rate | 07-12-2010 17:04 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm pretty sure "No strings attached" is guy code for "I'm emotionally retarded, but your vagina sounds neat!"
←Rate | 07-12-2010 16:57 by Joser Comments (3)  


   messageicon Hey, someone finally won! Celebrate irresponsibly.
←Rate | 07-12-2010 11:41 by Joser Comments (0)  



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