Czovczov Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Remember this weekend to help your girl relax by telling her she "needs to relax."
←Rate | 10-03-2015 07:40 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Negative people and stupid people should be tape recorded and forced to listen to their own bullsh*t.
←Rate | 09-29-2015 12:02 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Please make me happy" I whisper to my prescription.
←Rate | 09-25-2015 12:54 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon My safe word is yourhusbandishome.
←Rate | 09-24-2015 10:27 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
←Rate | 09-19-2015 08:38 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t trust everything you see. Even vodka can look like water.
←Rate | 09-08-2015 00:21 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I came, I saw, I got jiggy with it, I'm now discussing my options with a court appointed attorney.
←Rate | 09-06-2015 08:47 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon When reality comes knocking, I make tequila answers the door.
←Rate | 09-01-2015 14:34 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon You knew how I chew when you agreed to marry me.
←Rate | 08-31-2015 01:58 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to peel all of the labels off of my pill bottles and just write "surprise me" on them.
←Rate | 08-26-2015 02:11 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm sorry I'm so emotional bro. It came with these skinny jeans and selfie stick.
←Rate | 08-25-2015 13:58 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would describe my dancing style as “Oh my god, is he having a seizure?”
←Rate | 08-16-2015 10:09 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm getting really tired of having to remind my wife she's happily married.
←Rate | 08-07-2015 01:44 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once dated a girl who didn't need me to open jars for her. It was pretty convenient but the handjobs were crippling.
←Rate | 07-15-2015 13:31 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Give a man a fish & he'll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
←Rate | 07-02-2015 14:55 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best thing about being an Atheist is that no one watches you masturbate, unless you want them to.
←Rate | 06-28-2015 11:29 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a mosquito bites you and it dies of alcohol poisoning you're doing something right
←Rate | 06-27-2015 14:09 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't tell what's currently doing worse, my love life or my bank account
←Rate | 06-27-2015 12:47 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon You had me at "this is a bad idea"
←Rate | 06-27-2015 12:10 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Talk to your kids about drugs. Always stay informed about what drug is cool. You don't wanna be a nerd parent.
←Rate | 06-27-2015 11:58 by Czovczov Comments (0)  



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