jdpower Funny Status Messages

   I saw a guy in WalMart wearing aqua socks. I was afraid to take his picture, as it might provoke my murder and subsequent skinning.

   Scientists at Lake Tahoe are fighting off a clam invasion.. Or to use scientific terms, "Lilith Fair"

   WTF is up with people hating on HipHop these days? Thanks to Lil Wayne,I now know that a "Goblin" is better than a "Goon", Pitbull taught Me how to count to 4 in Spanish, and Plies taught me how to be intimate with a woman by pouring Kool-Aid down her a$$

   i am pleased that BP has stopped the flow of water into the Oil of Mexico

   Do NOT download the Mel Gibson app on your new iPhone. It attacks all your other apps, then implodes.

   Cool slogan for the new Facebook movie: "See it with someone you never talked to in high school."

   The first guy to blow a vuvuzela at an NFL game will be getting his a$$ kicked.

   A "Sarah Palindrome" is a sentence that reads forwards, but sounds backwards.

   I have Bieber Fever. I listened to a song by Justin Bieber and now have a 103 degree temperature, I'm throwing up, and have a huge headache.

   I'm thinking comic-con might be the place to look for Bin Laden this week. Easy to find 72 virgins there...

   BP says it will emerge from the current situation "smaller and wiser." I assume sea life will emerge "shinier and more waterproof."

   Just heard that Snooki was picked up by police for disorderly conduct.. apparently she was caught "orange-handed"

   The BP spill is now officially the worst spill in history.. surpassing Monica Lewinsky's dress.

   ‎9 times more people are killed by falling coconuts than by sharks. I CANNOT WAIT for Coconut Week!

   California judge overturns Proposition 8 gay marriage ban. Williams-Sonoma registry server ban. Williams-Sonoma registry server crashes

   Jersey Shore is on tonight? I guess I need to figure out how to get these Valtrex into my DirecTV box then.

   Shark Week is over, but I'm not taking down my decorations

   Twice already today I have warned my co-workers that I was on the verge of going "JetBlue flight attendant." It's the new "going postal."

   Maybe it's just me, but I think throwing rocks and feces at Tila Tequila officially renders you a member of the Sane Clown Posse.

   So, I guess the FDA has approved the "week-after" pill - the perfect remedy for those not so skilled at time/pants management...