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Amy Winehouse says her body has been through so much she probably can't get pregnant. Darwin wins again.
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09-08-2010 15:20 by
jdpower
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Sony announces it will no longer make Walkman cassette players. In other news, Sony was still making Walkman cassette players?
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10-25-2010 20:23 by
jdpower
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I blame Survivor for my inability to put out a tiki torch without saying, "the tribe has spoken."
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05-17-2011 00:13 by
jdpower
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There was a piece of cake in the fridge with a 'Don't eat me' note on it. Now there's an empty plate with a 'I don't take orders from cake' note on it.
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03-29-2011 21:18 by
jdpower
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I propose we plug the Gulf oil leak with BP executives.
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05-26-2010 00:00 by
jdpower
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I'm fairly sure "PIMPIN LIKE BUBBA GUMP GOES SHRIMPIN" is the worst text I've ever sent.
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01-05-2011 20:43 by
jdpower
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Was just at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
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02-12-2012 12:23 by
jdpower
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I wanted to buy a keepsake to remind me of the great food this Thanksgiving, but I think this new chin will suffice.
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11-29-2010 21:19 by
jdpower
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I'm thinking comic-con might be the place to look for Bin Laden this week. Easy to find 72 virgins there...
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07-24-2010 20:49 by
jdpower
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Twice already today I have warned my co-workers that I was on the verge of going "JetBlue flight attendant." It's the new "going postal."
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08-12-2010 11:38 by
jdpower
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I can't believe I was late for work tomorrow..
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06-24-2011 03:56 by
jdpower
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"Thor" is the #1 movie -- proving there's nothing Americans love watching more than an immigrant who's good with a hammer.
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05-18-2011 20:35 by
jdpower
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Had a great massage the other day, but I think I confused my masseuse by asking her for an "ambiguous, european-cinema-style ending."
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10-01-2010 17:34 by
jdpower
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
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11-29-2010 21:28 by
jdpower
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Wow, Paul McCartney got married again?! Really seems like this relationship has legs.
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05-18-2011 20:37 by
jdpower
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New season of Jersey Shore to film in Italy.. To maintain balance in the universe, Italy will send 8 citizens to Fazoli's
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01-28-2011 19:03 by
jdpower
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So, I guess the FDA has approved the "week-after" pill - the perfect remedy for those not so skilled at time/pants management...
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08-16-2010 15:11 by
jdpower
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if court experience is a must for Obama's Supreme Court selection... I say go with Charlie Sheen
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04-27-2010 12:18 by
jdpower
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Dead fish washed onto "Jersey Shore" cast's beach. The slimy, oft-horizontal twitching creatures say they feel bad for the fish....
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08-16-2010 15:15 by
jdpower
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The unemployment numbers are twice as bad if you count people who describe themselves as "bloggers."
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10-12-2010 00:53 by
jdpower
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