jdpower Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Wow, Paul McCartney got married again?! Really seems like this relationship has legs.
←Rate | 05-18-2011 20:37 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Scientists at Lake Tahoe are fighting off a clam invasion.. Or to use scientific terms, "Lilith Fair"
←Rate | 07-12-2010 01:55 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Amy Winehouse says her body has been through so much she probably can't get pregnant. Darwin wins again.
←Rate | 09-08-2010 15:20 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon I support precisely enough global warming to flood Jersey Shore.
←Rate | 08-24-2010 18:42 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon I blame Survivor for my inability to put out a tiki torch without saying, "the tribe has spoken."
←Rate | 05-17-2011 00:13 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon There was a piece of cake in the fridge with a 'Don't eat me' note on it. Now there's an empty plate with a 'I don't take orders from cake' note on it.
←Rate | 03-29-2011 21:18 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon I propose we plug the Gulf oil leak with BP executives.
←Rate | 05-26-2010 00:00 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon if court experience is a must for Obama's Supreme Court selection... I say go with Charlie Sheen
←Rate | 04-27-2010 12:18 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm fairly sure "PIMPIN LIKE BUBBA GUMP GOES SHRIMPIN" is the worst text I've ever sent.
←Rate | 01-05-2011 20:43 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wanted to buy a keepsake to remind me of the great food this Thanksgiving, but I think this new chin will suffice.
←Rate | 11-29-2010 21:19 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm thinking comic-con might be the place to look for Bin Laden this week. Easy to find 72 virgins there...
←Rate | 07-24-2010 20:49 by jdpower Comments (1)  


   messageicon Twice already today I have warned my co-workers that I was on the verge of going "JetBlue flight attendant." It's the new "going postal."
←Rate | 08-12-2010 11:38 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe I was late for work tomorrow..
←Rate | 06-24-2011 03:56 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Thor" is the #1 movie -- proving there's nothing Americans love watching more than an immigrant who's good with a hammer.
←Rate | 05-18-2011 20:35 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Had a great massage the other day, but I think I confused my masseuse by asking her for an "ambiguous, european-cinema-style ending."
←Rate | 10-01-2010 17:34 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon We can forgive Ireland's $70 billion debt. But we must never forgive them for Riverdance.
←Rate | 11-29-2010 21:29 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
←Rate | 11-29-2010 21:28 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, I guess the FDA has approved the "week-after" pill - the perfect remedy for those not so skilled at time/pants management...
←Rate | 08-16-2010 15:11 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon New season of Jersey Shore to film in Italy.. To maintain balance in the universe, Italy will send 8 citizens to Fazoli's
←Rate | 01-28-2011 19:03 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dead fish washed onto "Jersey Shore" cast's beach. The slimy, oft-horizontal twitching creatures say they feel bad for the fish....
←Rate | 08-16-2010 15:15 by jdpower Comments (0)  



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