Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon There are only two types of honest people in this world, small children and drunk people.
←Rate | 12-16-2010 13:25 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The hardest things about beginning any new relationship has got to be learning how to fart quietly again.
←Rate | 03-07-2011 20:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Take photos of friends with their face squished against glass. Assign to your phone contacts... it'll look like they're trapped inside your phone!
←Rate | 01-22-2011 21:09 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
←Rate | 03-22-2012 13:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.
←Rate | 12-17-2012 23:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I swear some people were conceived through anal sex. There is no way being that much of an asshole is natural.
←Rate | 04-12-2012 19:52 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.
←Rate | 01-03-2013 21:49 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon Today is one of those days where I wish I could restore myself to the factory settings.
←Rate | 06-18-2011 17:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just sold a lawn mower on eBay. That will be the last time my neighbor wakes me up on a Saturday morning.
←Rate | 06-28-2012 22:04 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbor's WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I'm the victim here!
←Rate | 07-01-2011 15:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, Martin Luther King, Jr. had to wait 40 years to get his own momunent, and then they make it out of white marble? Awkward...
←Rate | 09-02-2011 21:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon Well, it's about that time of the day when I stop hitting the snooze button, wipe away the drool, open the blinds, and head on home from work.
←Rate | 04-12-2012 16:31 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really think that Caller ID needs to be more detailed. It should say things like "Wants help moving" or "Will whine about bad relationship."
←Rate | 09-05-2012 16:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon At the grocery store, they usually have 6 check out lanes open, unless it's really busy, then they only use one.
←Rate | 12-19-2010 14:23 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chuck-E-Cheese, because it's never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling...
←Rate | 04-30-2012 20:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "just kidding."
←Rate | 05-30-2011 01:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's a shame that stupidity can't be converted into a usable energy source.
←Rate | 05-24-2011 09:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't be stupid, if their ex is still calling its because they're still getting an answer.
←Rate | 04-01-2012 16:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
←Rate | 12-29-2010 15:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon I did 26 situps this morning. It's not a lot, but then again how many times can someone snooze an alarm clock?
←Rate | 03-06-2011 00:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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