Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon My Crocs say I'm always down for a good time but my fanny pack lets you know I'm prepared for anything.
←Rate | 06-06-2013 12:40 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear New Year New Me People; You don't have to wait for the New Year to get your sh*t together and become a better person.
←Rate | 12-27-2014 07:32 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just keep telling myself you guys don't have sex either.
←Rate | 06-06-2017 02:16 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.
←Rate | 12-14-2014 03:21 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I only have two feelings, it's either "I'm hungry" or "I shouldn't have eaten this much"
←Rate | 11-06-2013 07:05 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stevie Wonder's housekeepers probably don't do a damn thing all day long.
←Rate | 05-24-2013 12:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A friend doesn't question your motive, they just keep their mouth shut and dig.
←Rate | 05-05-2014 03:05 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Madonna and Johnny Depp seem completely unaware they aren't British
←Rate | 02-27-2014 07:47 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I use words I don't understand so I can sound more photosynthesis.
←Rate | 04-11-2014 14:41 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
←Rate | 06-01-2014 06:09 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
←Rate | 05-30-2013 13:40 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sex is ten times better without condoms. But life is about 10 times better without baby mammas!
←Rate | 06-14-2013 13:31 by Kisstopher707 Comments (1)  


   messageicon iOS 9 will be out by the time iOS 8 finishes downloading
←Rate | 09-17-2014 13:36 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I'm a woman, not a sex object" - said a woman to herself as she put on a push-up bra.
←Rate | 06-13-2013 09:27 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Transformation Tuesday! Throwback Thursday! Flashback Friday! Never underestimate a woman's ability to find a reason to post a selfie.
←Rate | 04-30-2014 14:24 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your Facebook posts are like your children. Some go on to become successful and others make you look stupid.
←Rate | 01-18-2017 12:50 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive.
←Rate | 03-28-2015 12:43 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Make her feel like she's the only woman on earth. Because nothing makes women happier than feeling like all other women are dead.
←Rate | 06-15-2013 16:20 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro Tip: When having sex on the first date, ALWAYS say "I've never done this" so your partner knows you're a compulsive liar as well.
←Rate | 09-17-2014 01:54 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's actually pretty easy to win an argument with a woman when you wait until she's not around to have it.
←Rate | 11-11-2013 13:09 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


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