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flinnie Funny Status Messages
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Page: 29 of 33
Think I have cabin fever. Just broke out in shingles and little windows
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02-13-2012 09:23 by
flinnie
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I think if I needed to create a successful television program, my target audience would be people with eyes.
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02-13-2012 09:23 by
flinnie
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Maybe we didn't even WANT to touch it, M.C. Hammer. Ever think about that, you egomaniac?
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02-13-2012 09:24 by
flinnie
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When I text someone and they dont text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from overexcitement.
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02-13-2012 09:24 by
flinnie
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"BLARGH...mmm, this looks good. nom nom nom...BLARGHH...hey, where'd this come from? yum!...BLARGHHH..." - my dog, throwing up
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02-14-2012 05:22 by
flinnie
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Being rude to your waiter is the equivalent of saying, "Would you please spit in my food or perhaps do something worse?"
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02-14-2012 05:28 by
flinnie
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If I were a pharmaceutical company, I'd name my next drug "Magnifizac".
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02-14-2012 05:28 by
flinnie
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When anyone says to me "I need to talk to you", every bad thing I've ever done in my life flashes before my eyes
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02-14-2012 05:32 by
flinnie
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Overly wordy and verbose words are ubiquitous.
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02-16-2012 07:17 by
flinnie
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Whenever I realize a girl likes me, my first thought is, "What's wrong with this woman that would make her like ME?"
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02-16-2012 07:17 by
flinnie
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FACT: If you don't ask for butter on your toast but the waitress brings it anyway God won't let the cholesterol harm you.
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02-16-2012 07:17 by
flinnie
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No matter what the product, a good way to throw off an aggressive salesman is to interrupt him and ask, "Yes, but does it work on cats?"
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02-18-2012 05:56 by
flinnie
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Prince and Sheena Easton never did tell us who won the World Series of love.
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02-18-2012 06:22 by
flinnie
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Want to clear out a room quickly? Start playing muskrat love loudly. You are welcome.
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02-18-2012 06:24 by
flinnie
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The fact that I just swerved to avoid hitting a deer with my car tells me that it's finally time to make it illegal for deer to text.
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02-20-2012 10:46 by
flinnie
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Women have an amazing gift of making you feel wrong for being right.
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02-20-2012 10:46 by
flinnie
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I can't believe no one likes my show idea about a bunch of undead bathroom remodelers called “The Caulking Dead”.
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02-20-2012 10:47 by
flinnie
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My "look like I'm paying attention" face is oddly similar to my "I wonder what I'm gonna have for dinner" face.
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02-20-2012 10:47 by
flinnie
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My family crest is just a photo of someone letting it go to voicemail.
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02-20-2012 10:59 by
flinnie
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When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's called lunar assault & it isn't funny
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02-20-2012 18:41 by
flinnie
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