flinnie Funny Status Messages

   So glad I'm a guy. Haven't fought with a friend since 1985.

   So say some animals *were* injured in the making of a film. Is that listed in the credits or what? "Bob hurt one bird. He's very sorry"

   I have a ton of children's book ideas. Has anyone ever done an uplifting tale about a kitten on the Titanic?

   When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage lightbulbs.

   I instantly smile when I see a text from you, I don't care what's in it. It's amazing to know I crossed your mind even just for a second.

   Patriots by 7. This is my pick for the Superbowl. And for any future U.S. revolutionary wars.

   Just wrote "calculator" on a boob.

   You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a good example

   I alternate between cautious optimism and reckless pessimism.

   Anyone can air guitar. It takes a true artist to air tambourine.

   Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.

   one of my biggest fears is to look out my window at night and see someone staring back at me.

   We are at DefCon 2. Snow has been forecasted in the area. A whole 1-3 inches. Yes, there is panic.

   The worst part about having multiple personalities is eating at a restaurant alone but getting an automatic 20% tip added to the bill.

   Behind every great man there's a great woman who can take whatever he just said and turn it into a great big fight

   Can I be held legally responsible if someone gets injured while ROFL?

   The problem with dating models is the handle of your toothbrush always ends up mysteriously smelling like throat.

   Feel I could meet the woman of my dreams today. Hopefully not the one from the dream where I'm being shot at by a lady dressed as a clown.

   To the dude who flipped me off in the Subway parking lot for honking at you, you left your dinner on top of your car.

   Ready for winter to be over because I need to see the sun again and also so I can stop sitting on cold toilet seats.