Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
←Rate | 04-10-2018 05:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.
←Rate | 04-10-2018 13:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You really can't say your laundry is done unless you are completely naked
←Rate | 04-10-2018 15:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The older I get, the less judgy I am of Norman Bates spending his life with a dead lady in a chair
←Rate | 06-22-2018 11:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What’s it called when your hard work doesn’t pay off?
←Rate | 07-06-2018 02:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I'm camping, I won't be covered.
←Rate | 06-28-2018 11:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it my illegal logging operation is a success.
←Rate | 03-29-2018 14:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Allow me to explain myself via a new communication method I like to call "Interpretive Napping"
←Rate | 04-12-2018 07:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only difference between a weekday and a weekend is which boss is telling me to do things.
←Rate | 05-11-2018 22:31 by @thecatwhisperer Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy hour leads to several hours of lying on the floor talking to my dog.
←Rate | 05-12-2018 12:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The batteries in my electric toothbrush died before I finished. I've never sympathized more with women in my life.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dating Tip: if she says she likes cats, push her plate off the table.
←Rate | 05-22-2018 07:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You would think I am a fugitive on the run the way I react when there is a knock on my door.
←Rate | 06-17-2018 07:26 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why isn't anyone at this beach lowering their sunglasses to check me out?
←Rate | 07-08-2018 10:11 Comments (9)  


   messageicon Thinking of making a horror movie titled Front Facing Camera
←Rate | 07-11-2018 01:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If at any point in your life you feel useless, just remember there are people on the BMW assembly lines that install turn signals..”
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.
←Rate | 12-20-2017 08:59 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I love dieting I'm actually on 4 diets: Chinese, American, Italian and Mexican.
←Rate | 07-10-2017 17:03 by Aerotim Comments (0)  


   messageicon The last scene in Titanic with Jack and Rose wasted so many opportunities for a good knock-knock joke
←Rate | 02-26-2018 14:10 by markf Comments (1)  


   messageicon Alexa laughing and refusing to obey instructions? Better start working on your reasons to live for our new robot overlords
←Rate | 03-08-2018 22:47 Comments (0)  



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