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FACT: being a constant delight just comes naturally to me.
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10-12-2015 09:39 by
flinnie
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Do athletic people not know about Netflix?
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10-12-2015 09:36 by
flinnie
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Welcome to passive aggressive training. None of you appear to be very bright... but I'm sure you'll do great!
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10-03-2015 10:07 by
flinnie
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If I'm ever in a coma, promise me you'll slip pizza into my IV.
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10-03-2015 10:04 by
flinnie
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Five Secrets of Successful People: 1. Don't 2. Tell 3. Anyone 4. Your 5. Secrets
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09-25-2015 17:22 by
flinnie
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If you'd asked me to guess which groups would be really into wearing sunglasses, I would not have gotten 'blind people.'
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09-04-2015 16:10 by
flinnie
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If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck WHAT IS IT DOING HERE I'M TRYING TO SLEEP
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09-04-2015 16:05 by
flinnie
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Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? I mean EVERY TIME! It's freakish and it can't really be safe.
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08-08-2015 06:56 by
flinnie
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While you're out partying, I'm playing Connect Four with Thin Mints, by myself. Who's the loser now? Not me I've won 5 sleeves times in a row.
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08-08-2015 06:13 by
flinnie
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Was asked to join the Optimist Club the other day but I just had this feeling that no good would come of it.
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08-08-2015 06:08 by
flinnie
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I have nothing in common with people that think about work when they're at home. I don't even think about work when I'm there.
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08-08-2015 06:04 by
flinnie
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Fun thing to do #26: Stand 20 ft in front of the Walmart greeter and greet people before he gets a chance.
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07-14-2015 22:04 by
flinnie
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I don't mean to brag, but I just completed my 21 day cleanse in 3 hours and 15 minutes.
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07-05-2015 19:44 by
flinnie
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Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, bite like a mosquito, carry 100 times your body weight like an ant.
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07-05-2015 19:36 by
flinnie
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A new study shows that as people get older women retain memory better than men. This just proves that thing my wife told me...
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06-20-2015 17:37 by
flinnie
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I'm funnier online than in person, and funnier in print than online, but I'm at my funniest when you have no interaction with me at all.
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06-20-2015 17:04 by
flinnie
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Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.
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06-20-2015 16:59 by
flinnie
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I could never hate someone for their political views when I can hate them for the way they chew.
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06-02-2015 11:23 by
flinnie
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I just had salmon, raspberries & pine nuts for supper. Somewhere, out there, a grizzly bear is searching for his soulmate.
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05-22-2015 05:14 by
flinnie
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Son needed a topic for his science project and I suggested "A Science Project That Wasn't 100% Completed By Dad."
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05-13-2015 05:26 by
flinnie
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