Markf Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon If we didn't have phones and had to go back to writing notes to each other on paper the hardest part would be drawing all the emojis
←Rate | 12-22-2017 17:51 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Want to see somethine scary? When your house is full of teenagers for the holidays, unplug your wi-fi.
←Rate | 12-19-2017 11:09 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best part of paying $49 for this new toy for my son's Christmas present is knowing how happy some other kid will be in 3 months when we donate it to a thrift store
←Rate | 12-16-2017 07:39 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't wait for Amazon's new Blackmail service, where you hush money for that thing Alexa overheard
←Rate | 12-13-2017 09:34 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can finally join the crowd that says THE BOOK WAS BETTER now that most movies are about comic book heroes
←Rate | 12-01-2017 22:58 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wondering if there are any cold days in Hell, and if so does Satan slam his fist and say, "okay what band just got back together?"
←Rate | 11-07-2017 11:43 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon I started the month eating candy every day to get ready for Halloween
←Rate | 10-26-2017 22:31 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Instead of buying a mass produced pumpkin at the store, this year my family will adopt one from a shelter
←Rate | 10-22-2017 20:58 by markf Comments (1)  


   messageicon The most impoprtant thing I have learned about parenthood is many times my parents must have come close to child murder.
←Rate | 10-18-2017 12:38 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone just told me to take it one day at a time. I wish I had known there was another option.
←Rate | 10-15-2017 00:37 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm reaching the point where I really hope it's not possible to be annoyed to death.
←Rate | 10-15-2017 00:19 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I live to be 100, I will just make up a reason when people ask how. "I eat acorns every day."
←Rate | 10-02-2017 19:00 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I leave home on time for something I have that sure feeling that I forgot something
←Rate | 10-02-2017 18:49 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Think I will use this CSV receipt to wrap up like a mummy for Halloween. BONUS: You can scan me for $1 off any 2 liter drink
←Rate | 09-28-2017 21:42 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not sure who will be performing at the Super Bowl half-time this season but I am already furious about it
←Rate | 09-26-2017 08:59 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am wondering if female squirrells only get 80% of the acorns that males get
←Rate | 09-26-2017 08:29 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next time you find yourself complaining on your $600 smartphone, put it down and rethink your life.
←Rate | 09-16-2017 22:36 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm pretty sure my $2 Sportsclips coupon already told you I am not interested in the $60 shampoo, but thanks for showing it to me anyway.
←Rate | 09-12-2017 00:34 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just remember son -- when you text a girl, you are also texting at least 5 of her friends.
←Rate | 09-02-2017 23:44 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon How to make a millenial laugh: tell them you have only 22 photos of your entire childhood.
←Rate | 08-20-2017 09:46 by MarkF Comments (0)  



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