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Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn't stop that murder.
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01-23-2015 12:22 by
andrew jackson
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0
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We'll look back someday and realize the rise of the machines began with automatic toilets flushing before we're done.
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10-05-2013 07:24 by
andrew jackson
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0
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my life is like Jurassic Park but with no dinosaurs, just the part about a fat guy who resents his employer
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12-27-2014 07:24 by
andrew jackson
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every machine is a smoke machine if you use it wrong enough
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09-04-2013 11:10 by
andrew jackson
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0
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FACT: If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
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04-08-2015 05:30 by
andrew jackson
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I was thinking "how are they going to make a movie with Grumpy Cat, she only has one emotion" but I guess if Kristen Stewart can do it...
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05-31-2013 06:18 by
andrew jackson
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It’s amazing how the lowly potato gives us potato chips, french fries, and vodka. Get it together, every other vegetable
61
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12-09-2014 05:48 by
andrew jackson
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2
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Door bells should be made illegal in commercials. Pet owners know what I’m talking about.
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06-20-2014 05:14 by
andrew jackson
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Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don't.
72
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02-02-2015 05:43 by
andrew jackson
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People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
83
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01-12-2015 05:44 by
andrew jackson
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0
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Sometimes I walk up to a plant and exhale carbon dioxide all over it. Did I save its life? Maybe. Am I a hero? That's for history to decide.
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05-14-2014 05:39 by
andrew jackson
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0
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There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.
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08-04-2014 05:07 by
andrew jackson
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0
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Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
44
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01-26-2015 07:37 by
andrew jackson
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I've finally decided to do something about my weight. Lie.
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03-04-2015 09:55 by
andrew jackson
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0
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Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
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04-28-2015 13:56 by
andrew jackson
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0
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I got a job as a store greeter. But apparently "You again?" wasn't the greeting they had in mind.
33
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05-09-2015 16:26 by
andrew jackson
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0
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Why do people who insult themselves get mad when you agree with them?
33
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04-23-2014 05:29 by
andrew jackson
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0
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I'm the Rain Man of knowing exactly how many fries you stole while I went to get napkins.
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07-05-2015 19:22 by
andrew jackson
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0
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FYI: THIS IS THE FURTHEST IN HISTORY ANYONE'S EVER GONE!!!
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01-01-2014 07:35 by
andrew jackson
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0
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If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders.
104
19
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09-26-2013 05:34 by
andrew jackson
Comments (
1
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