A guy just busted down my door and claimed to be a Bounty Hunter. I said, "You won't take me alive!" He looked at me as if I had two heads, then stole my paper towels.
Fyre Festival Attendee: "I'll have a cheese sandwich." Fyre Festival Host: "Here you go, that'll be $1200.00." FF Attendee: "Hey, still cheaper than a sandwich at the airport."
When we're chatting on fb, and I start saying things like, "well, okay", "gotta run", "have a great day", it was great talking to you"...what that means is: SHUT THE F**K UP ALREADY!
I paid $12.50 for movie tickets. Forget that the people are noisy, the popcorn and drinks are overpriced, and the movie itself stinks....I wanna know why there was no cartoon.
I'm typing this status from my car. Now don't go flipping out, I’m in the passenger seat. It kinda makes it a little harder to drive, yet it fools the cops, so hey...
Earth is a beautiful planet. However, it's the disproportionate number of its horrible 7.5 billion inhabitants that were responsible for it receiving only 1 star on Intergalactic Yelp.
I hate those jerks who claim, "If you don't vote, don't complain". That's like going to a restaurant, and the only two items on the menu are s**t and vomit, yet it's my fault the place failed because I didn't order either one.
The people of Puerto Rico have unfortunately discovered just how much power mother nature has. Yet, there will be those arrogant humans who'll continue to think that we're solely responsible for climate change.