JAKE Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
←Rate | 10-10-2017 08:05 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Patient: Doc, I feel miserable, worthless, unhappy, and I have no money. Doctor: I see...... How long have you been married?
←Rate | 04-30-2018 23:42 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Viagra is like Disney land, the both make you wait a hour for a three minute ride.
←Rate | 04-23-2018 05:51 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon In the past few days my Doritos stock started to skyrocket. Thank you California.
←Rate | 01-04-2018 07:08 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon 911: What's the emergency? Man: My wife keeps shining her laserlight pointer light on me. 911: How is that an emergency ? Man: Her laserlight pointer is attached to her gun.
←Rate | 09-12-2017 21:54 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
←Rate | 10-12-2017 19:29 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I see lover's names craved into a tree. I don't think it's cute. I just think it strange how many people take knives on a date.
←Rate | 02-14-2018 19:20 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon . My mother in-law is drowning, I've informed emergency services. Hope they get my letter in time to save her.
←Rate | 03-08-2018 01:25 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Silence is your best responce when talking to an idiot
←Rate | 04-23-2018 03:55 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon (insert random song lyrics that describe how I feel, even though nobody cares)
←Rate | 03-15-2010 11:26 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon annoyed that these guys like Clooney, Cruise, and DeNiro are all picking me as their celebrity look-alike. Get a life losers.
←Rate | 01-30-2010 14:16 by jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon So cold in D.C. today that the politicians had their hands in their own pockets.
←Rate | 01-02-2018 03:12 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon "The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office." - Robert Frost
←Rate | 01-22-2010 07:35 by jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you're a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.
←Rate | 02-05-2018 23:35 by Jake Comments (2)  


   messageicon I injured my privets in a surfing accident. I slam my laptop closed when my wife walked into the room.
←Rate | 02-05-2018 23:52 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon If dentist make money from people with bad teeth. Why should we use a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 of them reconmend?
←Rate | 02-13-2018 16:18 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon AA meetings would be less boring if you could drink at them.
←Rate | 02-28-2018 17:32 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so glad my boss can't hear what I'm thinking.
←Rate | 10-02-2017 22:44 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stopped eating natural foods when I found out that most people die from natural causes.
←Rate | 10-11-2017 17:25 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once was brave enough to shave my privates with a straight razor. But now I don't have the balls to do it again.
←Rate | 01-18-2018 21:25 by JAKE Comments (0)  



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