BOO Funny Status Messages

   You know you need to go grocery shopping when your grapes start tasting like wine

   Dear Fox News, So far no news about foxes. Sincerely, Unimpressed

   What do you call a pig with 3 eyes...??? A Piiig!...Stupid yes, but you know you'll tell it.

   The OJ trial started the Kardashian tradition of getting black guys off

   "You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.”

   If your phone gets wet, try putting it in rice over night. This will attract Asians who will fix your phone for you.

   Can't sleep, maybe I should count my blessings!

   Its so cold out, I actually saw a gangsta with his pants UP!

   what does a shingle and a fat chick have in common? They both get nailed by mexicans..

   What do you call a thousand armed lesbians?... Militia Ethridge!

   Rise and shine Billie Joe Armstrong... It's October!

   Screw your Four Loko... I've got a Dayquil with a 5hour energy and Grande Latte chaser with my name on it!... If you dont believe me, just ask my pet Unicorn

   Never trust a man that comes out of a bathroom with dry hands...

   What is the definition of trust? Two cannibals giving each other a BJ.

   Did anyone else see Gary Busey get married this morning?

   I'm now Getting facebooks requests from my 14yr old sons friends. My girlfriend just called me a M.I.L.F. "Mom I'd like to Facebook"

   Lovin my early Christmas present of a Massage Chair! Work never felt so good!.. Now if someone would just invent a vibrating tampon I could start lovin my periods too!

   Michael Jacksons twin sister died... R.I.P Elizabeth Taylor...

   If I had a dollar for every calorie I burned tonight, Id be in the hole 1200 dollars! Thanks Alot Papa Murpheys

   And ps... you should'nt sing a song with an "s" in the title if you have a lithp!