flinnie Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
←Rate | 03-12-2015 05:36 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Turns out, no matter how many Oreos you can fit into your mouth at one time, this doesn't need to come up in a job interview.
←Rate | 08-27-2011 01:28 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know what's easier than applying sunscreen? Not going outside.
←Rate | 06-25-2012 06:46 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your depressed about the world, remember that sea otters hold hands so they dont float away while sleeping
←Rate | 11-22-2011 06:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon You do know that you stand a better chance of being attacked by a polar ninja than winning the megamillions
←Rate | 03-30-2012 09:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet karate experts have a tough time convincing their enemies to lie down flat between two cinder blocks.
←Rate | 04-02-2012 19:09 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I wish I didn't live with this curse of being so awesome.
←Rate | 04-10-2012 08:57 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wear gasoline for cologne because women love the smell of money.
←Rate | 04-05-2012 12:27 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The clearer your conscience, the more likely you are to answer a call from an unknown number.
←Rate | 07-14-2012 05:02 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon We all need to make a pact right now that there will be riots if Hollywood tries to remake The Goonies
←Rate | 09-23-2011 06:24 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn't need my assistance, so I'm going back to bed
←Rate | 10-03-2011 06:12 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" theme caused me to start a lot of fights hoping I'd be shipped off to rich relatives.
←Rate | 03-14-2012 11:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would pay good money for a painting of Snoop Dogg and Dog the Bounty Hunter playing poker.
←Rate | 07-13-2012 10:17 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shouldn't somebody else blow out the candles when it's a fireman's birthday?
←Rate | 02-24-2013 08:25 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wetting the bed is embarrassing enough as it is. I could do without the laughs from these jerks at Mattress Warehouse
←Rate | 08-03-2012 10:00 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon with all due respect, officer, you were also going that fast.
←Rate | 10-11-2013 05:43 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like my women the way I like my coffee. Yup, I like blonde slutty coffee with low self esteem and huge boobs
←Rate | 08-20-2011 06:08 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most of the time, I'd RATHER talk to the hand.
←Rate | 10-14-2011 05:54 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I hear you say: "We need to work together." What I hear is you saying" "I'm not smart enough to complete this task."
←Rate | 06-08-2011 13:17 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today's agenda: get out of bed fast enough to see my body imprint in the memory foam matress before it disappears.
←Rate | 10-21-2011 10:49 by flinnie Comments (0)  



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