Joser Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
←Rate | 06-14-2010 19:09 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon often thought that what doesn't kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 19:51 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon surviving this massive amount of "family time" by pretending they are mental patients and I'm their case manager.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 19:31 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Suicide is away of telling God, You can't fire me I quit !!!!!
←Rate | 06-11-2010 19:16 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 18:10 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Speak when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 18:10 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd rather be late in this world than early in the next.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 18:09 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Doctors write the prescriptions illegibly so you can't see that it says: "This one had insurance. Don't kill him."
←Rate | 06-11-2010 18:09 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Girlfriend says I have a way with words..the WRONG way.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 18:09 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The car stopped with a jerk. Then the jerk got out.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 18:07 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I fight evil wherever it may be....except in dark scary places.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 18:07 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Blind people must get stuck in bad relationships because they can't see other people.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 17:38 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dinner is no fun anymore since I stopped pretending I'm on TV when I'm cooking.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 17:38 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just watch a naked Chinese man run into a wall at full speed with a hard on. He broke his nose.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 17:37 by Joser Comments (4)  


   messageicon Sure, I've done bad things in my life. But not "going to hell" bad. More like "Jesus is going to make me his b*tch in heaven" bad.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 17:37 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I'm drunk and in the woods, I always have the urge to try to juggle squirrels.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 18:46 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd consider being a farmer. As long as I could live on the Pepperidge Farm, and raise Milanos.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 18:45 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon A psychiatrist is a highly paid baggage handler.
←Rate | 06-09-2010 17:52 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Actual Sign in a bar: "Those drinking to forget please pay in advance."
←Rate | 06-09-2010 17:52 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is in that in America they make the sick walk all the way to the back of the drugstore to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
←Rate | 06-09-2010 17:51 by Joser Comments (0)  



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