Eddy Funny Status Messages

   new way for a woman to get even with her ex....take his credit card & go on a shopping spree at target

   since New Years is on a hump day (Wednesday) maybe this will be the year I get a lo of humping

   these neighbors shooting their guns off, you'd think a lot of people just died in The Hunger Games cause the gun sounds kinda like the cannon sound in the movie

   I wont be alone on valentines day....I'll be spending it with 127.0.0.1

   Single Awareness Day....this is going to be a S.A.D. day

   my valentine is Manti Te'o's old girlfriend....forever alone

   an earthquake on valentines night....somewhere someone thinks they were great in bed to their lover for a perfect ending on the holiday

   forget Mardi Gras....for me every Tuesday is a fat Tuesday

   for Lent I'm giving up relationships...oh, nevermind, they gave up on me already

   playing Mario & entering the castle.... of course I got a girl on Friday night....forever alone

   a friend's kid accidentally stuck their cat in the dryer. my friend was all sad about it so I sung the sad song....soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur.....the song didn't help at all

   whats the difference between a plane & in-laws? the whole world is worried about a plane when it's missing

   I think Haley Joel Osment should guest star on The Walking Dead one episode..... "I see dead people"

   just call me "Mario" cause I've been looking & looking & cant seem to find a woman either #Nintendo

   redneck version of ChromeBook ....go to the library & get a book....wrap duct tape all over the covers....you chromed your book

   why does the drive-thru ATM have braille?....what blind person is driving a car?

   if someone else is in the picture with you why do some people still call it a "selfie"?....that's a "groupie"

   Easter is coming up soon. the parents with multiple kids are kinda lucky......you'll have more than 1 chocolate bunny in the refrigerator & we know they like to reproduce.....never-ending supply of chocolate

   it's not "stalking" .....it's "starting a secret fan club that only has 1 member"

   a lot of single women claim they're looking for "Mr. Right" so maybe I should change my last name to "Right"......then all these women will be wanting me