flinnie Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I wish I had a twin so I could have every other day off of work.
←Rate | 02-26-2012 07:32 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Man, kids really do ask some tough questions. One just came up to me and said “what’s Nicolas Cage’s worst film?” I mean how do you even answer that?
←Rate | 03-06-2014 05:17 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The planet Saturn = 7 rings, Michael Jordan = 6 rings, Kobe Bryant = 5 rings, LeBron James.........Just a Headband.
←Rate | 10-11-2011 10:20 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember when we were kids and we were in such a rush to grow up and become adults? Boy, was that stupid.
←Rate | 03-12-2012 06:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm surprised more killers haven't lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
←Rate | 04-02-2015 05:37 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Adulthood is like the vet, and we're all the dogs that are excited for the car ride until we realized where we're going.
←Rate | 08-22-2013 05:32 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ''K'' instead of ''OK''?
←Rate | 10-20-2013 21:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn’t do anything except send me notices that there’s a new version of itself.
←Rate | 05-02-2014 05:50 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I meet someone and I get a "Nice weather we are having..." I say, "My dog's toys taste salty!" I find it moves the conversation along.
←Rate | 04-18-2012 08:57 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shoutout to God for not giving wings to snakes.
←Rate | 03-12-2013 06:25 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Take mentos and freeze into ice cubes. Put the ice cubes in your friend's diet coke. After five minutes their drink will randomly explode.
←Rate | 10-15-2011 08:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I'd like to see a drug commercial that says, "May cause extreme awesomeness."
←Rate | 03-18-2011 09:00 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't have a smartphone.. I have a phone that shows potential, but refuses to apply its self.
←Rate | 08-28-2013 13:02 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Be careful when you're watching a movie with your wife. You're gonna get blamed for whatever the guy in the movie does.
←Rate | 09-15-2013 07:15 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon After 39 years, I’ve perfected acting interested in reading a birthday card after the money falls out.
←Rate | 09-15-2013 07:23 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I woke up in the middle of the night & wrote 2 status ideas down on paper. I need help
←Rate | 10-05-2011 06:01 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is unpredictable. Just when you think you've got enough lotion on your skin, you may just get the hose again.
←Rate | 02-23-2012 06:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When one door closes another one opens. Or you could jut re-open the closed door. Because that's how doors work.
←Rate | 12-15-2013 08:27 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun thing to do #48 1) See laptop on empty table in crowded coffee shop. 2) Ask someone to watch it for you. 3) Leave before the owner returns.
←Rate | 11-12-2014 05:41 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bucket list item #26 Shoot at someone's feet while yelling "DANCE, VARMINT!"
←Rate | 11-29-2011 09:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  



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