flinnie Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon When I'm on my deathbed, I'm definitely going to ask if I can be moved to a different bed.
←Rate | 11-21-2015 07:11 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who use that snobby pronunciation of "vase" make me want to punch them in the foz.
←Rate | 03-30-2012 10:00 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember, over half of all cases of people wrecking themselves happen within five minutes of not checking themselves.
←Rate | 03-21-2012 09:01 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Behind every great man there's a great woman who can take whatever he just said and turn it into a great big fight
←Rate | 02-10-2012 05:10 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The lengths I'm willing to go to avoid somebody I know in a supermarket could count as cardio.
←Rate | 02-28-2012 10:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like my women the way I like my coffee. Yup, I like blonde slutty coffee with low self esteem and huge boobs
←Rate | 08-20-2011 06:08 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I had a twin so I could have every other day off of work.
←Rate | 02-26-2012 07:32 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Man, kids really do ask some tough questions. One just came up to me and said “what’s Nicolas Cage’s worst film?” I mean how do you even answer that?
←Rate | 03-06-2014 05:17 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I snuck in my neighbor's house last night and ate up all their Christmas cookies. This secret Santa thing isn't so bad after all.
←Rate | 12-23-2012 07:20 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when people text me "what are you doing?" at 1:00 pm on a weekday. Well I don't have your Art History degree, so probably "working".
←Rate | 03-16-2013 08:26 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon it's not fair that haunted houses pay someone to dress up & chase customers with a chainsaw but grocery stores won't let me do it for free.
←Rate | 10-16-2012 06:16 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The planet Saturn = 7 rings, Michael Jordan = 6 rings, Kobe Bryant = 5 rings, LeBron James.........Just a Headband.
←Rate | 10-11-2011 10:20 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember when we were kids and we were in such a rush to grow up and become adults? Boy, was that stupid.
←Rate | 03-12-2012 06:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm surprised more killers haven't lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
←Rate | 04-02-2015 05:37 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn’t do anything except send me notices that there’s a new version of itself.
←Rate | 05-02-2014 05:50 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ''K'' instead of ''OK''?
←Rate | 10-20-2013 21:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shoutout to God for not giving wings to snakes.
←Rate | 03-12-2013 06:25 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Take mentos and freeze into ice cubes. Put the ice cubes in your friend's diet coke. After five minutes their drink will randomly explode.
←Rate | 10-15-2011 08:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I'd like to see a drug commercial that says, "May cause extreme awesomeness."
←Rate | 03-18-2011 09:00 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't have a smartphone.. I have a phone that shows potential, but refuses to apply its self.
←Rate | 08-28-2013 13:02 by flinnie Comments (0)  



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