Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   I cheated on my fears, broke up with my doubts, got engaged to my faith and now I'm marrying my dreams.

   If someone ever tells you "we need to talk" they dont care about anything you have to say.

   I think it's funny that whoever deleted me from Facebook was so important that I dont know who it is...

   n't it ironic that to be popular on social networks, you have to sacrifice your social life.

   My mirror and my camera have two completely different ideas of what I look like.

   If I don't answer my phone the first time you call, calling 5 more times isn't going to make me answer.

   Don't tell me I'm insulting your intelligence when it's obvious you have none

   Idiot-[id-ee-uht] noun: One who disagrees with me. Synonyms: Fool, Half-wit, Imbecile, Twit, Moron

   Nothing funnier than a pissed off mall cop on a Segway. With those goofy helmets on, I just can't take them seriously.

   If you're a millionaire and you don't have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool, then you should just give me all of your money because you're wasting it.

   If you need time alone, announce that it's time to clean the house.

   Far too many people spend their lives reading the menu instead of enjoying the banquet.

   One of the most exciting things about life is not knowing what's next.

   2011: same sh!t, different digits.

   I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.

   Next year we should just skip to 2013. Problem solved and a cool story for the history books.

   I hate that sinking feeling you get after reading or hearing something you wish you hadn't.

   I didn't make any new resolutions this year because I'm still working on the ones from 2007.

   I'm going to replace my car horn with machine gun audio.

   Facebook is like an ex girlfriend/boyfriend that your in love with; you might not like all the changes but you still go to it when your bored.