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flinnie Funny Status Messages
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Page: 13 of 33
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you're donating blood...
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03-09-2012 08:24 by
flinnie
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You can tell a lot about a girl by her hands. For instance, if theyre placed around your throat shes probably a violent person.
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12-19-2011 14:04 by
flinnie
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I instantly smile when I see a text from you, I don't care what's in it. It's amazing to know I crossed your mind even just for a second.
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01-27-2012 09:32 by
flinnie
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I hate when its dark and my brain is like "Hey you know what we haven't thought of in a while?" Monsters.
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08-04-2011 03:51 by
flinnie
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It's easier to forgive your enemies than figure out how to limit their access to your Facebook page.
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05-05-2013 16:12 by
flinnie
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When I'm on my deathbed, I'm definitely going to ask if I can be moved to a different bed.
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11-21-2015 07:11 by
flinnie
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I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.
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09-17-2014 05:29 by
flinnie
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There is probably a lot of ATM security camera footage of me rocking out.
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10-15-2011 08:48 by
flinnie
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Every person who ever asked if they were bothering me was bothering me
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01-24-2012 11:48 by
flinnie
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To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car.
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11-03-2016 06:02 by
flinnie
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I'm pretty sure that just before I get to Walmart some mental institution drops off its patients to go shopping
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04-25-2011 05:55 by
flinnie
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People who use that snobby pronunciation of "vase" make me want to punch them in the foz.
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03-30-2012 10:00 by
flinnie
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The lengths I'm willing to go to avoid somebody I know in a supermarket could count as cardio.
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02-28-2012 10:21 by
flinnie
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If movies have taught me anything it's that all car chases eventually lead through a fruit stand.
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01-08-2014 12:43 by
flinnie
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Someone should sit Lindsay Lohan down and force her to watch that episode of Saved by the Bell where Jessie was addicted to caffeine pills.
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11-30-2012 11:33 by
flinnie
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it's not fair that haunted houses pay someone to dress up & chase customers with a chainsaw but grocery stores won't let me do it for free.
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10-16-2012 06:16 by
flinnie
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I snuck in my neighbor's house last night and ate up all their Christmas cookies. This secret Santa thing isn't so bad after all.
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12-23-2012 07:20 by
flinnie
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I hate when people text me "what are you doing?" at 1:00 pm on a weekday. Well I don't have your Art History degree, so probably "working".
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03-16-2013 08:26 by
flinnie
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Time heals all wounds. Except sucking chest wounds. You should see a doctor about that.
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02-09-2014 08:18 by
flinnie
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Man, kids really do ask some tough questions. One just came up to me and said “what’s Nicolas Cage’s worst film?” I mean how do you even answer that?
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03-06-2014 05:17 by
flinnie
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