flinnie Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I feel ready to face the world as a responsible adult now that I've taken today's gummy vitamins.
←Rate | 06-02-2013 08:11 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today MTV turns 30, and yes I'm old enough to remember when they played music videos
←Rate | 08-01-2011 06:11 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
←Rate | 04-18-2014 06:37 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are two types of people in this world and it is easily determined by what they do when an ice cube falls on the floor.
←Rate | 12-24-2013 05:45 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saying the word “awkward” in an awkward situation only makes it more awkward. Especially if you sing it
←Rate | 02-21-2014 05:16 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves. And thats where I come in.
←Rate | 12-13-2011 09:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Despite protests, my wife has yet to step down from her post as the oppressive leader of our house.
←Rate | 12-19-2011 14:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon A giraffe in a top hat walks into a bar and orders six martinis and shame on you for wanting a punchline. This giraffe needs help.
←Rate | 04-05-2012 12:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I finally meet the love of my life, I hope he appreciates all the time I spent following him and hiding in his bushes.
←Rate | 04-07-2012 08:30 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon So did all those kids that had the skate or die t shirts in the 90s die?
←Rate | 07-28-2011 19:23 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I could be a sports analyst because I'm good at saying "at the end of the day" and "arguably".
←Rate | 04-29-2012 06:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you think St. Patrick is looking down from heaven thinking, "What are they doing? I hated beer and the color green."
←Rate | 03-17-2013 07:17 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon No matter what the product, a good way to throw off an aggressive salesman is to interrupt him and ask, "Yes, but does it work on cats?"
←Rate | 02-18-2012 05:56 by flinnie Comments (1)  


   messageicon A watched pot never boils, but an un-watched pot boils over, so I don't know what you want from me life!
←Rate | 04-02-2013 06:11 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I've done in my entire life.
←Rate | 10-28-2013 05:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Somebody needs to invent an alarm clock that releases the smell of bacon.
←Rate | 08-23-2012 06:24 by flinnie Comments (1)  


   messageicon Saying "with all due respect" lends gravitas to the massive pile of disrespect you're about to lay down.
←Rate | 09-14-2012 06:34 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The heart wants what it wants. To pump blood to the rest of your body. Oh and for you to stop blaming it for your stupid actions.
←Rate | 12-24-2012 06:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have come to the conclusion that the dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.
←Rate | 06-07-2012 08:54 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't cut in front of people whenever I'm waiting in long line, that's rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.
←Rate | 10-18-2011 06:10 by flinnie Comments (0)  



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