Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF


Search Messages:
Page: 12 of 5102

   messageicon When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.
←Rate | 03-22-2017 23:22 Comments (4)  


   messageicon I have now survived 21,364 days and13 hours without using essential oils or eating kale. thank you for your prayers and support during these trying times.
←Rate | 06-21-2017 19:33 by the barber Comments (1)  


   messageicon to the woman that won the powerball.."What's up baby"...
←Rate | 08-24-2017 19:26 by Sinned Comments (0)  


   messageicon A homeless guy asked me for money today and I thought, sure, he’s probably just gonna spend it on booze and cigarettes. Then I remembered, that’s what I was gonna do, so we walked to the store together.
←Rate | 02-22-2017 07:38 by Anon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn't want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.🐿️
←Rate | 02-14-2017 15:37 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon As soon as someone makes a time machine I'm going back to when being fat & pale was a sign of nobility.
←Rate | 03-21-2017 09:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hooter girls may be hot, but Subway girls are real wife material.
←Rate | 03-31-2017 07:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I lost 3 pounds over the weekend.but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut
←Rate | 04-25-2017 08:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: Do you want to have the best sex of your life tonight? Her: No. Me: Then I'm your guy!
←Rate | 06-03-2017 20:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." The problem is, I can't tell the difference anymore.
←Rate | 07-10-2017 09:23 Comments (3)  


   messageicon There is no logical reason why short pants should cost the same as long pants.
←Rate | 07-12-2017 13:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
←Rate | 07-29-2017 08:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet... Oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
←Rate | 07-31-2017 14:59 by Kev Walmsley Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't think this solar eclipse thing is going to happen. I think they just want us to put on these special glasses so we don't see the meteor coming...
←Rate | 08-18-2017 08:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only way McGregor could win this fight was if Steve Harvey announced the decision.
←Rate | 08-28-2017 01:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's really ironic that I mostly use my driver's license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive.
←Rate | 09-10-2017 19:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon To find your cool robot name, take the first 16 digits of your credit card & combine it with the expiration date and security code. What's yours?
←Rate | 11-01-2017 09:01 by Barber Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one is giving you free airline tickets, a week at Disney, a cruise or a cabin in the woods for a year. If you want those things, put down your GD phone, tablet or computer and get off your a$$ and earn them!!
←Rate | 11-05-2017 09:17 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Thank you to all the Veterans enjoy this day of honor.
←Rate | 11-11-2017 03:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Girlfriend: Mick, I'm miserable in our relationship. Me: FOR REAL? Girlfriend: Yes. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I've lost 10 lbs. Me: So you're saying it's over? Girlfriend: Well, not yet. I wanna lose 15.
←Rate | 05-15-2017 09:18 by Mick Comments (0)  



Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left