flinnie Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon You'll never be around more people that want to kill you than when you walk into a restaurant 5 minutes before they close.
←Rate | 12-04-2011 18:45 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon why is it a dog finds great joy sticking his head out of a car going 55mph, but if you blow in his face he'll try and kill you
←Rate | 03-07-2012 08:12 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out
←Rate | 03-08-2012 05:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I'm afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.
←Rate | 07-22-2012 06:46 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're out somewhere and can't find your wife or girlfriend and you're ready to go, start talking to the hottest chick there. She'll find you immediately
←Rate | 10-14-2011 05:56 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm pretty sure that just before I get to Walmart some mental institution drops off its patients to go shopping
←Rate | 04-25-2011 05:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why are doctors so afraid of apples anyway?
←Rate | 04-21-2012 05:41 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon As you get closer and closer to the end of this status, I think it's important that you lower your expectations.
←Rate | 12-03-2014 05:04 by flinnie Comments (2)  


   messageicon It's hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
←Rate | 12-09-2013 07:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Bermuda Triangle has been quiet lately. Too quiet.
←Rate | 01-18-2012 10:39 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that's how I feel today.
←Rate | 08-12-2013 08:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you live in a custom-built house that doesn't have a secret room hidden behind a fake bookcase, then seriously what is the point?
←Rate | 11-05-2013 20:34 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we're terrified people in real life will find us on the internet
←Rate | 10-10-2014 05:19 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just woke my kids up and told them, “It's Father's Day! Where's my present?” They just started crying.
←Rate | 06-17-2012 05:25 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is no problem so big that it can't be solved with a little self-delusion.
←Rate | 07-24-2012 05:42 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just once I'd like to read that someone died after a long battle with goblins or trolls.
←Rate | 01-06-2012 05:44 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon "At least you're not the lady who got her face eaten by the monkey." - My response to anyone who ever complains about anything
←Rate | 04-12-2012 08:11 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon For the past 20 years I've been trying to figure out how to "Stop" Collaborate" and "Listen"
←Rate | 04-13-2011 05:50 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon with all due respect, officer, you were also going that fast.
←Rate | 10-11-2013 05:43 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon please continue to tell me how the life you created for yourself is so miserable instead of taking actual steps to change it.
←Rate | 03-28-2012 09:37 by flinnie Comments (0)  



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