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Snotty Funny Status Messages
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If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
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07-04-2015 10:12 by
snotty
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How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways.
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08-05-2013 11:23 by
snotty
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* Walk in jury duty.... * Hand both lawyers a copy of my latest status updates..... * Walk out of jury duty....
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03-08-2013 14:24 by
snotty
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I think a UPS truck, is like the adult version of an ice cream truck.
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06-06-2015 13:59 by
snotty
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Hi you've reached my voicemail,,, Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn't be done over text
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06-17-2015 19:54 by
snotty
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At least once a year, we should all be allowed to go to Microsoft headquarters and reboot all of their PCs without giving them notice.
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12-02-2013 22:00 by
snotty
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Hey,,,You knew what you were getting into when you friended me...
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05-04-2012 17:15 by
snotty
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I have NO idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
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07-13-2012 05:58 by
snotty
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Just bought a thesaurus at the store and brought it home to find out the pages are all blank.... I have no words right now to describe how angry I am
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02-10-2013 14:33 by
snotty
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"Its not you,, Its me."--- Twins going through a photo album
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06-22-2013 22:59 by
snotty
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You know what's really great about being a narcissist? Me.
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07-01-2012 20:28 by
snotty
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Wish me luck... I'm off to contest library fines, on the grounds that I'm an "exceedingly slow" reader.
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03-27-2012 17:10 by
snotty
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I sit for 5 minutes laughing at my own tweet.. Then read it to my wife who looks at me in confusion...
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04-05-2012 18:36 by
snotty
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One of my greatest joys is watching a kid bite into a salt n' vinegar chip for the very first time.
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03-17-2014 08:19 by
snotty
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I Just watched guy put a wheel barrow in his shopping cart at the Home Depot.... *I'm just going to let that sit here and sink in.*
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11-10-2013 17:45 by
snotty
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I'm playing Nickelback at your funeral to make sure you're really dead and not faking it
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06-13-2013 07:09 by
snotty
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Amazing the things you say you’ll never do again when your head is lying next to a toilet
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08-15-2013 19:10 by
snotty
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It used to be only captured criminals covered their faces with their jackets... Now it's people telling pollsters how they're going to vote.
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08-01-2016 11:52 by
Snotty
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I wrote you a little song. It's called, "Stop including me in group texts or I'm going to cut you."
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08-24-2016 19:46 by
Snotty
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I can't quote it verbatim,, but the mimes have a saying that goes something like this:
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03-31-2012 21:31 by
snotty
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