Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon The Girl Scouts are just a cookie company that gets away with child labor.
←Rate | 04-20-2022 02:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like eating Nerds because I’m secretly hungry for aquarium gravel. Nerds takes the edge off.
←Rate | 04-29-2022 00:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The hot water bottle I bought the other day doesn’t work. I put water in it like two hours ago and it still isn’t hot.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t you hate it when you ask someone what time it is and they’re not wearing a watch, but they look at their wrist anyway and say, “it’s about a hair past a freckle.”
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I yelled “Bingo!!” but refused to let you examine my card, would you give me the prize anyway?
←Rate | 01-06-2023 19:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never trust a girl named Natasha. Because, Natasha spelled backwards is “ah Satan.”
←Rate | 06-08-2022 01:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Death Row Guard: What would you like for your last meal? Condemned Woman: I don’t know, what do you want?
←Rate | 06-08-2022 01:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m old school, I still believe in respect.
←Rate | 06-10-2022 01:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Things are so bad, our leaders have admitted that UFOs exist and no one cares.
←Rate | 06-11-2022 01:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m tired of working on myself. From now on, I’m going to be unapologetically insane.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 23:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was taught to think before I act, so if I smack the crap out of you, rest assured that I’ve thought about it, and I feel confident in my decision.
←Rate | 06-28-2022 23:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend and I just had an entire conversation about hair bands before she realized I was talking about Motley Crue and she was talking about scrunchies.
←Rate | 06-28-2022 23:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man, ruin it yourself.
←Rate | 06-28-2022 23:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas!
←Rate | 01-06-2023 00:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love to shop, but I’ll never buy your bull.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just because you’re driving 5 miles an hour over the speed limit does not mean that you can drive in the left lane. Some of us are trying to break the law for real.
←Rate | 06-20-2022 03:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Half of the world is composed of people who have something to say and can’t, and the other half have nothing to say and keep on saying it.
←Rate | 06-23-2022 01:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.
←Rate | 07-22-2022 13:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I find myself in times of trouble, Julie Andrews comes to me, singing words of wisdom, do re mi.
←Rate | 07-23-2022 00:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon FBI, CIA, DOJ: We have investigated ourselves and found ourselves to be innocent.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 02:48 Comments (0)  



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