Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon I just apologized to a chair for walking into it. Let's focus on my manners before you judge my sobriety.
←Rate | 07-08-2018 09:47 Comments (1)  


   messageicon What’s it called when your hard work doesn’t pay off?
←Rate | 07-06-2018 02:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it's alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?
←Rate | 07-12-2018 15:46 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Hi, I'm here to ruin your life" - Social media
←Rate | 07-11-2018 15:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friend's dog is tough. I interrogated him for over an hour and he still wouldn't tell me who's a good boy.
←Rate | 07-05-2018 07:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m not a sore loser, thanks to Vicodin.
←Rate | 07-05-2018 02:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What blood type does a pessimists have? ...... B negative.
←Rate | 07-14-2018 17:10 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being ugly on the inside should change how you look on the outside.
←Rate | 07-15-2018 02:37 by Kyla Comments (0)  


   messageicon Words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains", "Dumpster", "Beyond recognition", "Decapitated", "Dental records", "Shallow grave", "Strewn", and "Suicide by Cop."
←Rate | 07-15-2018 09:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment. If you're attrative it's flirting.
←Rate | 07-15-2018 04:47 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you're getting old when you use the word "thingy" because you can't remember what things are called.
←Rate | 07-14-2018 22:00 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Congratulations to the French! Today heir defense lasted 90 minutes and they beat their World War II record...
←Rate | 07-15-2018 17:30 by XXX-FUXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon Planning a trip to Australia..I was asked if I had a criminal record?..I didn't know you still needed one?
←Rate | 06-22-2018 08:35 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you were ****** before you got there.
←Rate | 06-19-2018 13:21 by @iamsirajarifeen Comments (0)  


   messageicon 7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse
←Rate | 06-26-2018 15:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought Row vs. Wade was Washington's decision when he reached the Delaware.
←Rate | 06-28-2018 10:00 by MediaGuy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Dos Equis guy: Seriously. What guy DOESN'T think he's the most interesting man in the world after he's had a few beers?
←Rate | 06-18-2018 11:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
←Rate | 07-01-2018 22:45 by Kyla Comments (0)  


   messageicon "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. " Mark Twain.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 23:37 by Mark.Twain Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mom never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
←Rate | 07-02-2018 09:49 by @KylaDenniston Comments (0)  



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