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Going to Wal-Mart will help build up your immune system for just about everything except Covid-19...
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05-19-2020 16:27 by
eengrms
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The buttons on my clothes are starting to social distance themselves from each other...
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04-03-2020 17:49 by
eengrms
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I would send thoughts and prayers, but I would rather vote and send better politicians...
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05-18-2018 20:03 by
eengrms
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There are more than 7 billion people on the planet. Can we finally stop calling it the miracle of birth?
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01-19-2018 19:51 by
eengrms
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So North Korea only has 28 websites. Well we just have Facebook. Wait you mean there are more?
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09-21-2016 16:54 by
eengrms
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The stupidest, ugliest Presidential campaign in my entire life: House of Cards meets Sharknado...
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05-10-2016 15:20 by
eengrms
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So does this mean Jay-Z has 100 problems now?
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05-03-2016 14:34 by
eengrms
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This election is just dragging on too long. It's like the world's longest Nicolas Cage movie...
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05-03-2016 14:28 by
eengrms
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I'll probably come off as mean when you first meet me, but after you really get to know me you'll find out that I'm actually meaner...
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05-01-2016 22:05 by
eengrms
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People setting up GoFundMe's because they can't afford a TV... Don't you know that's what lay-a-way is for?
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04-26-2016 21:49 by
eengrms
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They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99... It's "The bill formerly known as a twenty."
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04-24-2016 15:18 by
eengrms
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The American dream I’m chasing is where the entire pizza is just a spiral of stuffed crust...
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04-23-2016 22:37 by
eengrms
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This just in... Kanye West is still alive. Meanwhile we continue to lose really talented artists...
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04-21-2016 21:34 by
eengrms
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If the Apple/FBI conflict proves anything, it's that the NSA really doesn't have all of your personal information like people claim...
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03-18-2016 23:30 by
eengrms
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Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating...
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03-17-2016 12:51 by
eengrms
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Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...
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03-17-2016 12:51 by
eengrms
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In the future, imagine how many Go-Pros will be found buried under snow in the mountains containing the last moments of people's lives...
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03-17-2016 12:42 by
eengrms
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Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you...
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03-17-2016 12:41 by
eengrms
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Selfie sticks are this generation's fanny packs...
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03-06-2016 20:13 by
eengrms
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My wife just opened a jar of pickles by herself and I can't help but believe my days around here are numbered...
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02-17-2016 23:18 by
eengrms
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