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Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
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07-23-2017 08:28 by
andrew jackson
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I have nothing to update. I'm just making it look like I'm doing something at a party so people won't talk to me.
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07-16-2017 07:10 by
andrew jackson
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0
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Take the number of letters in your last name and divide that by your pin number. What answer did you get? That's correct.
7
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07-06-2017 08:10 by
andrew jackson
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A large portion of my day consists of rushing frantically to places I don't really want to go to.
7
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03-27-2017 05:53 by
andrew jackson
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0
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Logic says the screw I dropped should be somewhere by my feet, but science says it's under the couch in the other room.
72
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03-09-2017 04:54 by
andrew jackson
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0
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I used to race motorcycles. Man, those things are a lot faster than me.
8
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11-03-2016 06:03 by
andrew jackson
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0
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It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.
9
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11-03-2016 06:00 by
andrew jackson
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0
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Shoutout to the American voters for narrowing our options down to the jerk from 'The Apprentice' and the inspiration for 'House of Cards'
7
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08-13-2016 16:17 by
andrew jackson
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I wish I were full of tacos instead of emotions.
8
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07-24-2016 07:38 by
andrew jackson
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Home is where the bag filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags is.
13
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07-24-2016 07:35 by
andrew jackson
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0
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Ah, my youth: We sang praises to our processed meat products. Bologna had a first name. We all wished to be wieners. It was a gentler age.
8
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07-10-2016 06:31 by
andrew jackson
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0
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Shocked by the 16% approval rating of congress held by Americans in June 2016. That can't be right. Who are these psychos in the 16 percent?
8
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07-02-2016 07:29 by
andrew jackson
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I'm not hard of hearing. I'm tired of hearing.
19
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05-20-2016 19:16 by
andrew jackson
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I read that cucumber slices over your eyes reduce puffiness and wrinkles but they just made me drive into a tree
10
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04-03-2016 19:38 by
andrew jackson
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0
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Texted my wife "Nooooooo!" but it autocorrected to "Mooooooo!" and now I can never come home
8
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03-21-2016 11:41 by
andrew jackson
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0
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I'm here to do three things: learn how to count and fight people who call me a liar. And buddy, I already learned to count.
5
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03-21-2016 11:39 by
andrew jackson
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0
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FACT: They'll never give me control of the church bells and even if they do I’ll abuse it and lose the privilege so fast.
8
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03-21-2016 11:38 by
andrew jackson
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0
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Before smartphones I remembered phone numbers. Like lots. Of all my friends and family. Was I Rain Man?
12
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03-21-2016 11:35 by
andrew jackson
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0
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I used to think the word "ostracized" was "ostrich-sized" and I was always like: "Good! Keep that bird-bodied weirdo away from me!"
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03-13-2016 20:49 by
andrew jackson
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0
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There should be a wrestler whose finishing move is taking the other wrestlers out for a nice steak dinner, they work hard & they deserve it
6
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03-13-2016 20:45 by
andrew jackson
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0
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