Truman Funny Status Messages

   Elton John is to release a charity record for victims of the Kentucky tornado disaster! "Candles In The Wind"

   I just need you to find me 100 upvotes! I can't stand losing, and I'll try anything to win!

   "How about a scarf?" - Johnny Depp's stylist every day!

   "So!..where should we store 2,750 tons of high explosive for years on end?" "Just use that warehouse next to the firework factory, should be ok!"

   Germans are going to be hit with large fines if they invade someone else's space! 80 years too late if you ask me?

   If you don't have your Florida ID with you on voting day, you can always show them a photo of yourself wearing a tank top to a funeral.

   Tried oscillating today! Not a fan!

   You're just not buying enough guns! More are needed!

   Just been reading a letter from my Chinese penpal in Wuhan and apparently they hav

   If anybody knows any lonely old people preparing to eat Christmas dinner alone? Please let me know as I need to borrow some chairs!

   These Kenyan Airlines passengers seem to be down to Earth guys?

   It's so adorable how badgers and foxes take little naps at the side of the road all the time!

   Are Nicolas Cage movies terrible because he's in them? Or is Nicolas Cage in movies because they are terrible?

   I went on a cycling holiday last year, and it was exhausting! If I do it again I think I'm going for a smaller caravan!

   I see the mother in law's put up a new profile pic! It's got 23 yikes already!

   My Chinese pal is very upset about Peter Tork, and has been muttering "I'm a bereaver" all day?

   Was kind of surprised at all the swearing when I unplugged the church organ to charge my phone?

   St Peter: "so..how did you die?" Me: "I was sat on a beanbag and the house caught fire"

   Just helping someone find the chocolates I ate yesterday!

   I've probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator!