SlowMotionNinja Funny Status Messages

   2020 is rough but I think infound a way to get threw.im just gonna ask my mom if slapping me into next year is still on the table.

   I'm not buying a 2021 calendar until I see the trailer. Not gonna get me again

   All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now...good for them

   I just checked on my Farmville after 3 years. It's now a Wal-mart

   60 percent of the worlds population is female which means some of you are going to die alone think keep that in mind next time you get my text

   if noone comes from the future to stop you, how bad of a decision could it really be?

   You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...

   So there are teenagers out there that have unprotected sex, but yet have cases on their phones. Just let that sink in for a minute....

   Kim Kardashian Says She Would Like To Have Sex With Herself …To Know What It Feels Like! Guess that means that after Kanye West Noone wants to touch her.

   Baby, I would take a bullet for you... In Halo 4... Unless I'm on a kill streak.

   I just inadvertently murdered two snails in front of what I can only assume was their son. As a result, I may have just created the snail equivalent of the batman.

   I have decided I am going to write erotica for the elderly. Excerpts from Chapter 1: "He wondered why she took off her Dentures. Later he could not thank her enough."

   So I just saw a church sign that said "Why pay for GPS, Jesus gives guidance for free." Do you think Best Buy would match that?

   Watching the movie Independence Day to commemorate Will Smith's efforts in preventing an alien invasion this exact day 16 years ago. I thank Will Smith for my freedom!!!

   If you mix Taco Bell sauce into your ramen, It tastes exactly like poverty

   I have a question for all government officials and anyone who supports SOPA/PIPA. Do you really want to piss off ALL those hackers all at once?

   She wanted something that went from 0 to 300 in 2 secs so I got her a scale...

   VMA recap: Lady GaGa came in as a man. Nicki Minaj came as Lady GaGa, and Jay-z came in Beyonce

   Math questions are so dumb! They're like "if you have 30 chocolate bars and you eat 29, what do you have left?" OH I don't know how bout diabetes!!

   men think about sex every 7 seconds, which is the exact reason I eat hotdogs in under 6 seconds...So it doesn't get weird