Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I'm going to have.

   I'm never sure how much ball cleavage to show when I wear my Casual Friday Jean Shorts

   Having 50 girlfriends isn't swag. Having 1 girlfriend and 49 chasing you is...

   Screenshot me, I dare you. I'll climb through your window and smash your phone so quick.

   When a girl likes you, everything you tweet has the potential to piss her off.

   If I don't respond to your 1st text, it's not an invitation to text me again... With your basic ass

   When someone I don't like texts me, I send their text back. I don't want that sh*t.

   If a guy don't text you back, he's probably reading the bible or volunteering at an animal shelter. Men don't cheat, idk who lied to y'all.

   Maybe I'm old school, but I like women with eyebrows actually made out of hair.

   Monday... that better not be your ugly ass I see peeking around the corner!

   Date a girl who watches football with you and lets you grab her ass during commercials.

   Let's cuddle, eat junk food and watch football.

   If you piss your girl off, she'll tell you Goodnight at 2pm.

   Gotta grab your girls booty in public to let other guys know you bout that life.

   If you can't sleep, call your ex and harass them. They don't deserve to sleep either.

   Nobody talks on the phone anymore. If I like you, I'd rather hear your voice. Texting has made sh*t less intimate.

   Guys will never win an argument with their girl. You think you won and 3 hours later she comes back for round 2.

   If you're dating someone, you really shouldn't give a sh*t what anyone who's not in your relationship thinks about it.

   I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.

   Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn’t have said.