Fazzy Funny Status Messages

   I had a peanut butter sandwich on white bread with no jelly and nothing to drink. Long story short: I'm at the ER getting treated for Lockjaw.

   Would the last Baby Boomer to enter heaven please bring a copy of Abbey Road?

   Recent studies have shown that dogs don't actually have a fear of fireworks. Their reactions are based on their being upset at not being able to shoot off their own.

   What with unwanted pregnancies, social diseases and failed relationships, the Love Boat reboot will be titled the "Tug" Boat.

   I can relate to the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard defamation trial. Sort of. I dreamt an old girlfriend chased me around the bed with a machete after eating a box of Ex-Lax.

   I realized how non-materialistic I am. To me, a step up the social ladder isn't a new car, house, or clothes... it's the rare occasion when I line the waste paper basket in the bathroom with a Target bag instead of one from Wal-Mart.

   I used to sneak out of my house to go to parties. I now sneak out of parties to go to my house.

   Johnny Depp could have avoided this entire mess if he had simply issued an Amber alert.

   Better and more accurate than any dating site: Ask her if she's on Will Smith or Chris Rock's side. If she says Will Smith, run away as fast as you can.

   I know not with what weapons WW3 will be fought, but WW4 will be fought with sticks and stones.

   The Irish River Dance was started by a family that had 11 kids but only 1 bathroom.

   Taco Bell is the only place where you can still get gas for $1.39.

   Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire.

   Music is the universal language. Humor is the universal salve.

   It is said that every day is a gift. Can I get a copy of the receipt so I can exchange it for something else?

   A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all of your keys at the same time.

   I wish there was a vaccine that would make me immune from having to hear all the whining over the Covid vaccines.

   People need to stop hiding behind the cloak of religious dogma and simply focus on becoming a better person.

   Imagine you in heaven eatin' yo daily bread and the devil walks by with Popeyes.

   We don't care how much money you have, how many cars and homes you own or how popular you are. Get past the dying part and then we'll be impressed.