Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   Let's make humility great again.

   Well, if you're going to question my reputation and credentials as a gynecologist,I suggest you get the hell out of my office van.

   This is not what adulthood looked like in the brochure.

   My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support

   the Republican Presidential race sounds as substantial as Keeping up with the Kardashians.

   "I'm turning over a new leaf" -Adam telling Eve that he's seeing another woman

   Only if some people knew how silly, stupid and ridiculous they look while holding a selfie stick...

   Yikes. don't google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"

   We are about two elections away from deciding President by monster truck rally or burping contest.

   Why disappoint others, when you can disappoint yourself.

   In the history of earth, no woman has ever successfully changed a man yet they keep trying to this very day.

   Dance like its back in 1999 when no one had a camera phone.

   Drink until the bottle is emptier than you.

   You seem too lazy to file a restraining order. I like you.

   Netflix and panic attack?

   How scary stories will be told in the future: “..and that's when he realized HE FORGOT TO ENABLE WIFI AND WATCHED 5 SEASONS USING HIS DATA PLAN.” **everyone screams in terror**

   “We don't lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids

   Steven Tyler's mic stand has so many scarves on it that I always thought he was just screaming at Johnny Depp and trying to strangle him.

   My ex got me arrested cause I used to sit outside her house all day. She thought I was stalking her but I wasn't, I just had her WiFi pass.........

   Just heard someone on the porch, hopefully this is just a home invasion and not some unexpected company