Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I’m sorry my dog nipped your ankles, but in all fairness you do have squirrels on your socks.
←Rate | 01-14-2018 06:07 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I should probably return these videos to Blockbuster.
←Rate | 01-11-2018 12:44 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate it when I come across a couple urging in public but I missed the start and now don't know whose side I'm on.
←Rate | 12-12-2017 01:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When one door opens, just hope that it’s the fridge and someone is about to bring you a beer.
←Rate | 12-12-2017 01:46 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Even looking at LinkedIn's logo can result in an unsolicited email.
←Rate | 12-05-2017 06:19 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need Google street view in real-time for better stalking...Sorry I mean bird watching.
←Rate | 11-29-2017 13:57 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you try to show me your family vacation photos I swear I'm going to report you to HR.
←Rate | 11-29-2017 13:56 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You look like the kind of person who replies to a meme with a meme
←Rate | 11-29-2017 13:39 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sleep with a gun under my bed, in case someone breaks in and decides to throw clay pigeons into the air.
←Rate | 11-29-2017 13:34 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For once I’d like to get kicked INTO a bar
←Rate | 11-22-2017 02:45 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a man puts a vibrator to his ear he’ll hear how he’s not good in bed.
←Rate | 11-20-2017 13:00 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I liked Meatloaf before he got all soft on us and changed his name to Adele.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 09:32 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just finished writing a book for new parents called “You Just Made a Big Mistake.”
←Rate | 11-17-2017 09:13 by Kisstopher707 Comments (1)  


   messageicon My Dominatrix is so cruel and kinky, she makes me drink orange juice right after I brush my teeth.
←Rate | 11-16-2017 00:25 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only person I wanna chat with is my dog.
←Rate | 11-15-2017 13:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon -inventing vodka- who’s thirsty for yeast infected potato juice?
←Rate | 11-15-2017 13:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m just here for the unsolicited parenting and relationship advice.
←Rate | 11-12-2017 01:31 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ME: *putting two and two together* yep. it’s definitely four
←Rate | 11-06-2017 01:21 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time I try dating I get a new sister.
←Rate | 11-02-2017 00:46 by Kisstopher707 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Love is...never having to say “wrong hole”
←Rate | 10-30-2017 02:48 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


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