jdpower Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Black smoke rose from my toaster this morning... a new pope tart has been chosen..
←Rate | 03-13-2013 14:09 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know that if you watch Twilight backwards... it's still crap.
←Rate | 12-28-2012 16:53 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon My pen!s ejects bronzer if any of you ladies need a spray tan
←Rate | 03-15-2012 01:13 by jdpower Comments (1)  


   messageicon Was just at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
←Rate | 02-12-2012 12:23 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Obama checks Declaration of Independence.. fails to find National Treasure map on back.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 22:12 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Study: 50% of Jumbotron Marriage Proposals.. End in Jumbotron Divorce.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 22:11 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dad pulled me aside today, teary-eyed. Told me to sit down.. I braced myself. He said "There's going to be a third Bridget Jones movie."
←Rate | 09-14-2011 22:09 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Chicken of the Sea" is both a delicious brand of tuna.. and the best way to insult a pirate.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 22:01 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Many years ago, I was kicked out of the Beastie Boys for suggesting that partying was more of a privilege than a right.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 22:01 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one will be making fun of Chaz Bono, when Nancy Grace has a wardrobe malfunction on Dancing with the Stars and her Johnson pops out.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 22:00 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon A life vest - protects you from drowning. A bullet proof vest - protects from bullets. A sweater vest - protects you from dating.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 21:57 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Casey Anthony is still a MILF.. The 'M' just stands for Murderer.
←Rate | 07-08-2011 22:42 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Getting pretty stoked for all the Facebook albums of sh!tty firework pictures I'm gonna see next week!
←Rate | 06-30-2011 19:35 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've gotta come clean... that's why I jack-off with Purell
←Rate | 06-24-2011 03:59 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dated a blind girl once, her name was .::. ::.:. ..:.:. :.:..::. ..:::.
←Rate | 06-24-2011 03:58 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe I was late for work tomorrow..
←Rate | 06-24-2011 03:56 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saw the Goodyear blimp today. It read "ICE CUBE NO LONGER EVEN REMOTELY A PIMP".
←Rate | 06-21-2011 01:44 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just asked a guy at the Mac Store if the iPhone 5 will come with an app that makes AT&T not suck.
←Rate | 06-15-2011 21:34 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon These kids today need to show a little respect to those of us who fought for, and won the right to party.
←Rate | 06-07-2011 20:24 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Game, set, match equals tennis. Set, match, run equals arson.
←Rate | 05-31-2011 14:21 by jdpower Comments (0)  


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