Steve OH Funny Status Messages

   Just landed my dream job of "before" picture!!!

   Tonights orgy is canceled guys. Jerry has diarrhea...

   Never take acid with a squirell named... Hey squirell dude, what's your name? Phil? Never take acid with a squirell named Phil.

   Apparently my nipples approve of the cool weather...

   "Looks don't matter, just be yourself". - attractive people

   "Oh, this old thing?" - my cat showing me his butt hole..

   Bruce Jenner? Never heard of her...

   They say, "Don't Text and Drive" but I've had 3 maybe 4 texts all day so I'm good, right?

   Do you think I'll now what's up in "Horny Neighbors 3" without seeing the first 2?

   So you guys heard about this MySpace thing?

   So... Stub Hub isn't a dating site for quadriplegics? Mind blown!

   "That's What." - She

   Am I the only one praying for an, "Equiptment Malfunction" during the halftime show tonight?

   I wish my wife would look at me the way Biden looks at the back of Obamas head.

   Play Trivia Crack they said. It'll be fun they said... phukerz.

   I thought Game of War was some kind of breast inhancement app. I was wrong.

   On a scale of Gary Busey to Charlie Sheen, I'm David Hasselhoff drunk right now.

   "OMG that guy is dead!! No wait, he's okay..." - My wife's first time watching professional soccer

   My "Facebook Moments" thing is just a bunch of pictures of me getting drunk so, whatever...

   I'm at that stage of not showering where you develop a sort of detached, clinical interest in how bad you smell and seeing how much worse it can getting.