Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   I sexually identify as please stop talking to me.

   Does Facebook realize when they put us in Facebook jail, they're separating us from our families?

   My son screamed like a little girl when he saw a spider so no paternity test was needed.

   Thighs that slap together when you walk are just giving the owner an applause.

   I'm at the age where I am about to make a dentist a lot of money.

   The apocalypse doesn't care what your credit score is.

   wife: Why did you drink all the rum? me: I lost the cap

   You would think I am a fugitive on the run the way I react when there is a knock on my door.

   Not trying to brag but I haven’t been around people in days

   Throw a drink at Tomi Lahren? In this economy?

   Today has me seriously evaluating my policy of not drinking on the job.

   In my time, real men did not smoke cigarettes with batteries.

   Running shoes? No, I don't run. These are my "better hurry up the liquor store is about to close" shoes.

   My doctor said I’m healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.

   I’m small but influential. Like bacteria or Tom Cruise.

   Please don’t ask me for advice about life because I will accidentally screw up yours too.

   Welcome to Assumption club I think we all know why we're here...

   We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.

   I'm at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I'm usually fine with going home.

   I just started a club for people who hate people. I’m the only member. No you can’t join because I hate you.