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Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages
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My doctor said I’m healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
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04-19-2018 01:48 by
Kisstopher707
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I’m small but influential. Like bacteria or Tom Cruise.
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04-18-2018 14:47 by
Kisstopher707
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Please don’t ask me for advice about life because I will accidentally screw up yours too.
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04-17-2018 12:59 by
Kisstopher707
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Welcome to Assumption club I think we all know why we're here...
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04-14-2018 11:40 by
Kisstopher707
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We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.
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04-09-2018 02:25 by
Kisstopher707
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I'm at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I'm usually fine with going home.
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04-08-2018 13:55 by
Kisstopher707
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I just started a club for people who hate people. I’m the only member. No you can’t join because I hate you.
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04-08-2018 11:02 by
Kisstopher707
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My mother taught me to never argue with strangers on the Internet. She said I must agree to meet them in real life, and then punch them in the face.
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02-26-2018 13:27 by
Kisstopher707
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Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
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02-25-2018 10:19 by
Kisstopher707
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Pro-tip: sadness is for people who are awake or sober.
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02-15-2018 11:51 by
Kisstopher707
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I’m sorry my dog nipped your ankles, but in all fairness you do have squirrels on your socks.
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01-14-2018 06:07 by
Kisstopher707
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I should probably return these videos to Blockbuster.
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01-11-2018 12:44 by
Kisstopher707
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I hate it when I come across a couple urging in public but I missed the start and now don't know whose side I'm on.
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12-12-2017 01:49 by
Kisstopher707
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When one door opens, just hope that it’s the fridge and someone is about to bring you a beer.
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12-12-2017 01:46 by
Kisstopher707
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Even looking at LinkedIn's logo can result in an unsolicited email.
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12-05-2017 06:19 by
Kisstopher707
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I need Google street view in real-time for better stalking...Sorry I mean bird watching.
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11-29-2017 13:57 by
Kisstopher707
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If you try to show me your family vacation photos I swear I'm going to report you to HR.
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11-29-2017 13:56 by
Kisstopher707
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You look like the kind of person who replies to a meme with a meme
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11-29-2017 13:39 by
Kisstopher707
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I sleep with a gun under my bed, in case someone breaks in and decides to throw clay pigeons into the air.
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11-29-2017 13:34 by
Kisstopher707
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For once I’d like to get kicked INTO a bar
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11-22-2017 02:45 by
Kisstopher707
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