Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon The worst part about watching movies at the cinemas is not knowing how much time you have left until the end of the movie.
←Rate | 01-07-2019 22:03 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My New Years resolution is to be more active. Sexually.
←Rate | 01-02-2019 09:40 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Show dominance on an airplane by calling the flight attendants bartenders.
←Rate | 01-02-2019 09:38 by Kisstopher707 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I like being invited to things, it’s the showing up that bothers me.
←Rate | 12-23-2018 15:17 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon True love means never having to pick just one hole.
←Rate | 12-21-2018 09:52 by Kisstopher707 Comments (1)  


   messageicon In honor of Charles Dickens I am also going to be poor this Christmas
←Rate | 12-21-2018 09:34 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't tell me what type of pill it is. I like to be surprised.
←Rate | 12-19-2018 10:13 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So what are we being offended by today? Sorry I missed the morning briefing.
←Rate | 12-17-2018 14:26 by Kisstopher707 Comments (1)  


   messageicon My dog just attacked the pizza delivery man. WHY ARE MY BEST FRIENDS FIGHTING????
←Rate | 12-16-2018 09:44 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do people who send out family Christmas cards want from us?
←Rate | 12-16-2018 09:35 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Scientists need to put cancer aside and find a cure for country music first.
←Rate | 12-16-2018 08:29 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need a vacation that I may or may not ever come back from.
←Rate | 12-13-2018 13:11 by Kisstopher707 Comments (1)  


   messageicon "did I catch you at a bad time?" "yeah, I'm awake and sober"
←Rate | 12-09-2018 09:32 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have decided to host the Oscars
←Rate | 12-09-2018 09:12 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon [first day as a 911 operator] me: nine hundred and eleven what is your emergency
←Rate | 12-09-2018 09:09 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A Facebook stranger doesn’t like my opinion. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time. 😂
←Rate | 12-07-2018 22:51 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s hard to stay humble when someone’s dog chooses you over them.
←Rate | 12-04-2018 14:01 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't care what anybody else says. "You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch" is the greatest diss track ever written.
←Rate | 12-03-2018 13:58 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever hate someone so much you decide to start eating healthy just so you can watch them die first?
←Rate | 12-02-2018 12:24 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Establish dominance by waiting until your wife serves the turkey and then tell her you already ate.
←Rate | 11-22-2018 11:01 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


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