Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   Business in the front, party in the back! Linda’s Accounting And Brothel Services.

   Instead of testing products on animals, how about testing on people who don’t say thank you after you hold the door open for them. Just a suggestion.

   Crickets are really loud for something that gets eaten by everything

   I am a husband. Hear me apologise for something I did in my wife's dream.

   I just cleaned my house by turning off the lights.

   I was feeling tough and manly until I realized the spider was on the inside of the window.

   Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.

   I reserve anal sex for special occasions. First dates for example.

   I’m suffering complications following my birth

   I'm always here if you need someone to talk to. I'll even remove your duct tape.

   I sexually identify as please stop talking to me.

   Does Facebook realize when they put us in Facebook jail, they're separating us from our families?

   My son screamed like a little girl when he saw a spider so no paternity test was needed.

   Thighs that slap together when you walk are just giving the owner an applause.

   I'm at the age where I am about to make a dentist a lot of money.

   The apocalypse doesn't care what your credit score is.

   wife: Why did you drink all the rum? me: I lost the cap

   You would think I am a fugitive on the run the way I react when there is a knock on my door.

   Not trying to brag but I haven’t been around people in days

   Throw a drink at Tomi Lahren? In this economy?