Jerry Carter Funny Status Messages

   We all name our dogs....But.... Wonder what they call us .....

   I just got off the phone with a charity that wanted my old clothes for folks starving in Africa....Well I think it is a scam!!! Anyone that can wear my clothes sure ain't starving!!!!

   I had a late nite knock (rather hard) on the front door....Before I knew it I was flushing items down the commode.....On a side note....if you flush skittles it looks like a overhead view of NASCAR at Bristol..

   I watched some of the debate last night...I kept on waiting for someone to say "Live from New York it's Saturday Nite"!!!!! But it never happened.....

   I watched the Olympics last night....I first watched competitive house remodeling, then Cooking with the nuwave oven, and finally finished the evening off with what I thought was going to be open water shark vacuuming....Olympics have sure changed...

   My bank account has been hacked....The hacker felt so sorry for me, he sent me a message and has started a gofundme page......

   I have an electric stove, but I prefer acoustic. The proceeding random thought was for all my musician friends........

   My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers!

   Are you tired of wal-mart rushing our holiday's? I can't believe it, They already have birthday cards out and it's still months away from my birthday!!!!

   What's with all these diaper companies.... I have tried three brands so far... The bag clearly says 12 to 14 pounds..... Folks I am here to tell you, not one brand held over 10 pounds before we had to change them.... Talk about a mess!!!!

   I just finished my taxes...As much as I am going to have to pay...The least Obama could do is send me a photo of the family I am sponsoring!!!!

   You ever felt like a fool, by waving your hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic. Other folks in the rest room think you are a ninja of something....

   I had no idea Baltimore had won any type of championship!!!!

   Where are all these beautiful singles in my area that want to meet me. I keep getting a popup with photo's of several ladies, However I have never noticed them at wal-mart, the grocery store, church, or anywhere around here. I Think this may be a scam!!

   Woke up screaming Sunday morning. My apologies to everyone at church...

   Remember safety first.... Reach, Throw, Row, Go......Only you can rescue someone who may have stepped off into a pothole!

   I just heard that in order to show no hard feelings, Phil has ordered the staff at Duck Commander to increase production of pink duck calls by 25%!! What a guy...

   I am about tired of all this frozen global warming!

   So the electric motor on our ceiling fan went out. We had a old blender that was about to be a yard sale item so I modified it and rigged it on the ceiling fan. Now I have off, high, tornado, and hurricane. And oddly, a self cleaning house now.....

   Oh well, a friend just tried to send ricin via email!!!! He never was the brightest color in the crayon box!!