Gabe Funny Status Messages

   Getting married is like going to the restaurant. You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that...

   Pop two more balloons and we win a stuffed animal... Which ironically, is also made in China...

   Either the leaves are changing colors or there was something in those brownies...

   It's crazy how people get up at 5 am to workout. I don't even get up at 5 am to pee, I just stay there and suffer...

   I was surprised to learn that Elon Musk was from South Africa. I figured he would be from Mad-at-gas-car...

   Someone's been spreading a rumor that I'm schizophrenic. Well, 3 can play at that game...!

   I will not to be outdone by Elon Musk....I'm announcing my Acquisition of "My Space" for $24.99...

   Last year my friend left for Paris to go to Mime school and was never heard from again...

   I don't go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time...

   helped my neighbor with something this morning and she said to me "I could marry you!" I couldn't believe it... you do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return...

   When you clean your vacuum cleaner, does that make you a vacuum cleaner?

   Have you ever looked at someone and thought 'shut the hell up'... and they weren't even speaking...

   When this is all over, we'll need to wear our masks backwards for 3 to 4 weeks to get our ears back to normal...

   I was told the clocks go back this weekend, but I can't remember where I bought them...

   Ladies, just so you know, 'Mansplaining' is short for 'Man Explaining'...

   I'd make a swear jar but I don't have the type of income to keep up with my mouth...

   I was caught up in a really good book last night. I didn't stop coloring until 2am...

   I'm on two diets now. I wasn't getting nearly enough food on one diet...

   I don't always "Whoop", but when I do, there it is...

   I planned to work out and have a nice body for people to look at this summer, but then I remembered I like food more than I like people...